Some days, I’ll wake up with an overwhelming motivation to look like so many of the girls my age. I’ll lay out a cute outfit and start the (obnoxious) process of curling my hair in hopes of looking like an “actual female.” About 45 minutes later, I am threatening to cut off all my hair and opt for my usual ponytail-chic hairdo.
It’s like a downward spiral as I reach for my jeans and t-shirt combo, because why dress nice when my hair looks like it’s been through a wind tunnel? Although some days are easier than others, this is not an uncommon ritual. I’ve gone from a painfully awkward teenager to a moderately awkward woman who can sometimes apply makeup properly. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t see a problem with that.
I come from a single-father upbringing. As a result, I am now a multi-talented female who can French braid and check the oil in my car. I can paint my nails, tweeze my eyebrows, and match my clothes. However, I can also bait a hook, tell a dirty joke, and, embarrassingly, swear like a sailor (I’m working on that one).
I drink wine at home and beer at the bar and get increasingly annoyed by drunken girls who scream and fall over each other. I can’t walk in heels or get my eyeliner perfectly winged on top and I have never been able to justify spending half my paycheck on a pair of shoes when I can get food instead. But despite all my “flaws” I have one secret:
I wouldn’t change a damn thing about myself.
Sure, I would love to understand the concept of filling in my eyebrows and being adorable but sadly, I just don’t. I do however clean up well and absolutely cherish all my female friendships. I know how to be polite and when to let loose. I love flowers and squeal with delight at babies and puppies. On the other hand, I can talk sports and give better love advice to guys than to other women. I don’t understand see the appeal in making a duck face like other girls never found bodily functions as funny as men do.
I’ve been told that it’s such a shame I can’t act more feminine, but if those people could see my closet or collection of hair product, I think they might retract their statement. I’ll always love mud and fishing just like I’ll always love jewelry and Victoria’s Secret. I’m not the most feminine or the most ladylike, but I have no intentions of changing myself. I will continue to be excitable and slightly inappropriate and enjoy every awkward moment of it.