Missing you doesn’t do my feelings justice.
It’s an ache, a physical pain. But why? You cheated on me for months. You had another girlfriend. You told me you loved me, slept with me, all the while talking to her — leaving me to go see her.
So why do I ache for you?
I had my own issues when I met you, you were aware of this: my fear of relationships, my past hurt and my lack of trust. Yet you pushed your way through to my heart. You were persistent. You talked about me to anyone who would listen. You would beg me to be your girlfriend, beg to just see me. You admitted you would have given up anything for me, your scholarship, your friends, your life. What happened to that?
I walked in on you with her. You let me leave.
It only took a couple of days for you to crawl back, show up at my apartment begging for me. And I listened. After all, it was a mistake right? How could someone who loved me so much, who’s life revolved around me, actually do this? It had to be a mistake.
But I was wrong. You never stopped cheating. You never stopped seeing her. Never stopped telling her you loved her. Never stopped telling her the sweet nothings you told me. Then I found out again.
But you never said anything. I found out through her and you and I went our separate ways, never speaking. We still haven’t. You gave up. I ache for someone who doesn’t even have the decency to say an apology, even if it’s not real. I ache for someone who demolished not only my heart but my soul. I ache for someone who does not care for anyone but himself. I ache for someone who knowingly, purposely ruined me.
You don’t understand the feelings I had, the faith I had in you and in us. If I think this ache hurts, you should have asked how the love felt. It was stronger than anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s terrifying, the feelings I had for you, the love I had for you.
But this ache is irrelevant. It is weak. I refuse to let it consume me because you don’t deserve to ruin anymore of my life, you have already took almost eight months of it.
I may ache for you, but one day that will stop, and I’ll be whole again.