Long distance relationships look so glamorous and envy worthy in movies. Almost like something that you aspire to have. Two head-over-heel in love twenty something year olds welcome long distance relationships with open arms in their fictional lives, while they stand precariously tall and on top of the world thinking that together they can conquer pretty much anything.
The reality is the polar opposite of a cheesy rom-com. Cue spending countless hours on FaceTime, constant iMessaging, raunchy snapchats…you’re sure that it will all be enough to keep you together when you’re 4898 miles apart. Yet the doubt is there. The doubt continues to creep in. You’re terrified of the relationship falling apart in the most painful way, the slow way where one person stops trying, but the other cares too much.
A lot of people will try and talk you out of doing long distance because it does take a toll. “You’re too young” they’ll say. But since when did age become a qualification for loving someone wholeheartedly? Let me tell you something, I loved him with every part of myself. I fell in love with how he made me feel without touching me. It was something special. He was my muffin.
My grandmother always said I had an old soul, maybe that’s why I didn’t run away screaming when we made the kind of plans you dream about making with someone one day. I couldn’t wait to uproot my life, move across the Atlantic and wake up to that cheeky grin every morning. I couldn’t wait to pick out silverware and bring my love coffee in bed before work, because let’s face it; we both knew I couldn’t cook. I couldn’t wait for a normal day resulting in an engagement ring to further validate what I already knew in my heart. I would proudly wear a piece of twine on my ring finger if he were the one down on one knee. I wanted road trips. I wanted the drunkenly-stumbling-home-and-eating-pizza-in-our-underwear-at-3-in-the-morning kind of nights. I wanted sex. Lazy sex. Morning sex. Rough sex. “I want you so bad right now come home from work” sex. I wanted the house. The animals. The blue-eyed, blonde-haired, soccer-playing babies. I was young, but I wanted the whole shebang. I wanted the good and the bad. I wanted the “in sickness and in health.” I wanted it all with my muffin.
Losing him was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I lost my best friend and whom I still believe is the love of my life all in one moment. One “I can’t do this anymore” moment. One “distance is too much for me” moment. One “I still love you, I’m sorry” moment.
I don’t know what’s in store for us; but I sure as hell hope his future is full of love and laughter and happiness. I hope he meets the kindest girl who can give him everything he needs. I hope his kids grow up knowing what an amazing man their father is. I hope they know that way back in the day, their dad was the one who taught me what love truly was. Selfless, patient, awe-inducing love.
Maybe in time we’ll find our way back together, but all I know is; if you find someone that makes you feel half of what I felt for my muffin, you hold on like hell. Fight for it. Just because my forever didn’t work out doesn’t mean yours won’t. Don’t let people talk you out of what could be the craziest adventure of your life; long distance relationships can be great if you let them. Communicate, trust, and love. Distance doesn’t make one ounce of a difference if your eyes light up when they laugh. Please don’t give up… Don’t lose your muffin.
And to you, the fabled muffin: if you by chance happen to stumble across this article, just know that when your memory finds me, it still feels like home. I’ll love you forever.