Anxiety, depression, whatever it is.
You don’t really know what to call it because it’s not crazy anxiety, you don’t have trouble talking to people and it’s not crazy depression because you aren’t always sad but it’s something and you can’t put it into words, it frustrates you but here’s a little of what you might feel.
The way you act, you second guess constantly, you feel like everything you do is wrong and you cannot get it engraved out of your head.
You get jealous of other people because they have what you want and you will sit and wonder why they have it and you do not, and you will think of every reason in the book you did wrong and believe that is the answer as to why you don’t have it.
You want people to care and you get mad if they don’t even though it’s not their job to and you’ll sit there wondering what you’ve done wrong and that’s the reason why they haven’t reached out. And the people who do care about you, you’ll need constant reassurance.
You have zero self-confidence and you think everything you do is wrong, you sit there and wonder why you feel so shitty about yourself and you’ll temporarily try to fix it with drugs, alcohol, exercise, but at the end of the day you just come back to feeling the same way.
You are always emotional and people don’t know what person they will get, will it be the funny person who is faking a smile or will it be the mad and angry person who doesn’t want to talk to anyone.
You are afraid of loss, you don’t want to lose anything valuable in your life and you will hold onto forever even if it’s hurting you at the end of the day.
You stress about the littlest things and they will linger in your mind until you try to fix them, until you do what you need to do to get it out of your mind, and that hurts you even more.
You always want to please everyone because it makes you feel better temporarily, you see someone smile and it makes you feel good, you want to make everyone happy but yourself.
You get mad when people don’t understand the way you’re acting, you get mad when they try to help and they don’t say the right thing in the moment so they don’t want to help anymore which makes you more mad and you just want someone to understand.
Lastly, you hate the way you treat people when you get in your moods because it has caused you to lose some really great people.
All of this is the way each of us feel at some point and it’s hard to pull yourself away, but at the end of the day it’s you who can help yourself. Sometimes when you feel these ways you think of every way out, but don’t do anything you’ll regret.
It’s hard to feel any one of these, and it’s hard to escape those feelings, but if you put your mind to it little by little you’ll find your way out, and once you start seeing progress you won’t want to stop. Find your niche and stick with it, only you can help yourself, there are always people who care and you are not alone remember that.