You took the shine I once had away from me.
And cheating on the side.
I used to smile so bright.
And my parents used to say I was a happy girl.
Then the darkness came into my life
And the thoughts of never being enough
But every time you’d yell
I’d sit there with tear soaked eyes and apologize
I never knew what I did wrong
But I was always so damn wrong
Constantly brought down
But all I wanted in this world was to love
To kiss broken parts
To mend people’s hearts
When my grandma died
My dearest friend
The party was more important
Then the funeral I had to attend
And I remember reading that eulogy
And looking for you in the crowd
But of course you were no where to be found.
It was my fault I worried.
Even when I knew there were other girls
It was my fault I was controlling
When on my birthday you picked up her call
My anxiety was just something in my head
And if it didn’t stop you were going to put this all to an end
But I tried and I tried
To show you how much I cared
I gave you my heart
The half that was still there
On Valentine’s day you said you had to do work
Unanswered calls and you were at the bar
But your friends were in town
How could I be so selfish
So I lie in my bed
As my tears hit the pillow
Trying to be quiet so I wouldn’t wake my neighbor
But each time you brought me down
I worked harder to prove you wrong
That I loved you and that’s all that should matter
But a text would soon come
That it was over.
And just like that in a text
The last of my heart went to rest.
I lost a lot of pounds.
And then ate it all back
I started to miss class
And you were running a victory lap
I was told a million times I deserved better
But I was so worn out
I didn’t know better.
The drinking begun and it took a toll
Reckless nights that I can’t recall
And then the nights I lied awake
Telling myself I needed to fight
The thoughts in my head
That kept saying just let it end.
And each day was a test
Of the ultimate survival.
I had hit rock bottom
And didn’t know where to go
I lost myself
And couldn’t smile.
My dad would tell me
I haven’t seen you happy in oh so long
And it broke what I had left that I wasn’t so strong
And time will not heal these wounds
Of the abuse and the used.
And as you’re off living your life.
Just remember you took a smile.