FamilyLove

What We Take Away From Our Parents About Love

There is no script on how to love. Most of us just go with the flow and learn from experiences. But there are two individuals in your life that you could possibly be looking at as an example for what love is supposed to be.

Believe it our not, our parents play a huge role in how we conduct ourselves in romantic relationships. They serve as the blueprint for what we perceive love to be. Whether or not they stay together throughout our lives, we still look to them to learn how relationships should work.

Some of us want to be the exact opposite of our parents. And some of us succeed in doing so. Some of us may also subconsciously turn out to be exactly like them. Which can be a positive or negative thing.

Our parents also teach us how to fit in our designated gender roles. They also teach us how we should interact with the opposite sex. Many men are taught to be emotionless. So, many guys suppress their emotions, which causes a lot of miscommunication within their relationships with women.

Some women are taught to be submissive, which causes them to be submissive in relationships. This is why so many women are in relationships where they prioritize their partner’s needs over their own. We think because of our own miseducation about love, we have to accept toxic behaviors from one another.

Some of our parents had very toxic relationships. One’s in which abuse and disrespect were commonplace. Having to witness a toxic relationship can cause many to believe that it is normal to act in such a negative way in relationships.

Looking at my own dating choices, I used to think that I did not have a type. Which to some degree is true, because none of my ex’s look alike and have differing personalities. However, there was something common among them which was that they were all emotionally unavailable.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized why I was attracted to guys who weren’t vocal about their emotions or are affectionate. The answer was because that’s how my parents were.

My parents weren’t super “lovey dovey” towards each other. I rarely saw them kiss or even say I love you. They demonstrate their love in other ways, but I had to realize that it wasn’t the type of love I wanted. I don’t have to be with someone who was unable in saying how they felt. And I was allowed to make that choice for myself.

Your parents are a good example in showing you what to do and what not to do in love. Even if you are raised with just a single parent, you may be attracted to a certain type of person because they remind you of that parent. I think you don’t have to be exactly like your parents to be successful in relationships; even if they had a healthy relationship.

I’m your own relationships, you should just take the things you think are what makes a good relationship and learn from the negative parts of theirs. I also think asking a potential partner about their parents’ relationship is a good way to learn about how they might act in your relationship.

For myself, I see my parents as best friends. Two people who can completely be themselves around each other. They compliment each other well and are the perfect balance for me and my siblings. I think those positive aspects of their relationship is what I will most likely apply to my future ones.

I challenge you to reflect on your relationships you’ve had so far or even the one you’re in now. How have your parents influenced your idea of love and relationships?

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Graduate student, Writer and Lifestyle Blogger. Follow Kayla on Instagram or read more articles from Kayla on Thought Catalog.