I was the kind of girl who loved the idea of love. I played M.A.S.H with my friends, planning out my life with whatever crush I had at the moment. I thought that love and life would be that simple.
I’m not the kind of person who just loves anyone, but when I do, I fall pretty hard. And there’s no worse feeling than to constantly fall for people who aren’t willing to catch you.
I have so many scars in my pursuits of love. Sometimes I feel like there were no such thing as soulmates. I kept finding myself with people who never wanted to be with me beyond sexual encounters or people who I was willing to cross oceans for who would never even walk across a puddle for me. Sometimes I wonder if it’s all worth it.
Writer Zora Neale Hurston once said that “love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.” I always come to this quote when I think about love. Love is one of the most intense feelings you could ever feel. It can make your heart beat fast and causes you to lose all common sense.
Love makes your heart smile. It causes you to dance around your room for no reason. It makes your feet feel a little lighter. The best love is the one that feels as easy as breathing.
Love can also make you do some stupid things. It can take you so far away from who you used to be that you no longer recognize yourself. And when love isn’t reciprocated or when love leaves, it is worse than any physical pain you could ever feel.
But what many don’t think of love as is an investment. You invest your time, effort, and feelings into love, and that’s super risky. It’s not like a financial investment—even if you lose money, you can always get it back eventually. Love doesn’t work that way. You can’t get time back, and love is something that never truly fades.
So is it worth it? I think so.
As many times as I’ve been burned by love, I’ve also benefited from it. The heartbreaks have made me stronger and taught me how to better love other people. The highs, the lows, the ups, and the downs are all worth it if I can have eternity with someone. Maybe it’s the little girl in me who still mentally plays M.A.S.H sometimes, or maybe I’m just an optimist, but I believe there’s someone out there for all of us. And we shouldn’t stop trying until we find them.
To anyone who may feel destroyed by love, I want you to know that you’re going to be okay. I know it feels like it can be an endless game where you’re always on the losing end. I know you don’t want to keep putting your heart through the ringer, but I promise the end result will be beautiful. Keep loving and allow yourself to be loved, because the highs of it all is always worth it.