It took me forever to focus enough to read the journals that keep some of my deepest heartaches. As soon as I would pick one up, the pain from my past would urge me to throw it back down and tuck it away under other books that had a much more pleasant storyline. This somehow gave me peace—if I couldn’t see them, maybe the cries that lined the binding never existed either.
Silly me to think that I could run from my past forever. That somehow if I could keep one foot in front of the other without looking back everything would end up turning out fine—maybe better than fine. Maybe I would wake up one day without being haunted by my ex-boyfriends or the belittling voices of my friends and family.
Except God had other plans—there never seems to be the right time to shatter into dust.
So I flipped open the first page and forced myself to witness the pain I wanted so desperately to keep buried. After releasing the first shock wave, the first couples of pages turned into the first and second volume of my life’s trilogy.
Tears slowly streamed down my face and dripped onto my chest. I pressed those pages into my chest and something became abundantly clear—I shouldn’t be embarrassed by the broken pieces that shape my heart. God had given me those “bad” things to mold me into a person with a great heart and a beautiful mind. Without those pieces, I wouldn’t have the inspiration to create, to teach.
God had given me the very things that would allow me to flourish with a deeper awareness of just how beautiful and painful the healing process can be.
He had given me my truth.
And so what I can promise you from my journey is that it’s those broken pieces that will teach you how to be on your own and heal yourself. It’s those broken pieces that will help you fight for who you want to be. It’s those broken pieces that will show you who is willing to love you to the end.
Learning to live with those broken pieces inside you teaches you that you’ll never be completely unbroken, but it’s those broken pieces that will teach you how to be strong and resilient.