My Heart Still Trembles For You

My heart is aching and trembling for the one that I lost.

My soul wants to feel his lips on mine once more. To feel his hands slip up and down my body once more. To breathe in the sweet smell of his breath once more.

Who have I become? What woman lays silent in a bed with a man she does not love? What woman stays with a man out of safety? Who am I to want the things that I want and preach the things that I preach if I cannot follow my own advice?

Every night that he kisses me, I wish I was with another. Every night that he embraces me, my heart pushes him away. I do not want this. I’ve never wanted this. My heart is screaming for me to leave, to go back to what it craves.

Even though I want to relapse in these memories again, my mind is telling me that it’s safer here. It’s safer to lie in the arms of a man who will provide for me than to lie alone in the arms of The Universe who will thrive for me.

The one of whom my heart belongs to is gone. He danced away in the wind long ago, and since then he’s left me wondering, Does he miss me the way I miss him? Does he long for my touch like I quiver at the reminder of his? Does he want the one he tossed aside?

I do not care. I ask these things and no answer comes. No hint of love remains. No trace of our story lingers. What was once my everything has been washed away with the tears that land on my pillowcase.

It is over. Pain has won. And it’s time for my heart to shatter once more.