She regrets the nights spent staring at your cold back turned away from her. The longing she felt for your arms to keep her warm at night. The questions filling her mind like tiny gnats buzzing around in her brain distorting her thoughts. The anticipation each evening spent lying next to you wondering if you’d consume her or leave her empty. She regrets not feeling it then. The distance. The coldness. The lack of warmth she desperately needed but rarely found in your arms.
She regrets the excuses she made for you.
The dates she never went on. The kisses she always had to beg to receive. The fights she allowed to escalate even when she knew she had no reason to defend herself. The battles turning into wars because your pride refused to let you admit you were wrong. The affection which should have come naturally but seemed to be an ongoing struggle for you to show. The words she needed to hear but you never allowed yourself to say.
She regrets making herself available for someone who never seemed interested in showing up.
She regrets letting down her guard and letting herself be so vulnerable with someone who would never do the same for her in return. She confided in you more than anyone else in the world. You know her better than anyone. Her strengths, weaknesses, successes, and failures are all in your hands. She regrets believing it all meant something to you. She regrets letting you use it all against her.
She regrets the amount of time she spent wondering why you would never let her into your world.
What had she done wrong? What was so incredibly wrong with her that you couldn’t move forward with her by your side? Despite his attempts to push her away, she kept coming back for more. Maybe if she could understand him a little better. Maybe if she held on a little tighter, he wouldn’t be able to push her to let go. Maybe if she hashed things out one more time, things would suddenly become clear. Why didn’t you tell her sooner? She regrets letting you lead her on believing what she wanted to believe for as long as she did.
She took the bullets for you. She stepped into your life during a time when you were fighting a battle unrelated to her. She didn’t back down, despite her hesitation and fear of the unknown. She took a chance. She weathered the storms by your side. She showed up for you even when it was incredibly difficult for her. She understood and accepted that you weren’t perfect. She wasn’t either. Both of you had walked through fire but neither of you were destroyed.
She regrets many things but she doesn’t regret letting you go.
She never wanted to let you go. She fought for a long time to hold on to you. You were holding the end of the rope she could never seem to climb.
Anytime you let go, she grabbed on again to begin the never-ending climb. She finally realized she had to let go in order to survive. It became too painful for her to be the only one fighting to hold on. Anytime she thought a knot was forming to secure her, it unraveled again. The unraveling of the threads that held the connection together seemed to never tie back together in quite the same way.