It had taken almost 30 years of ignoring her intuition for her to start accepting that it’s usually right.
She woke up on a late November morning and couldn’t decide which was colder; her lover or the chilly air. He had ignored her the night prior, and she was starting to feel the familiar ache that comes along with broken love. Her mind instantly begins to race before her feet hit the bedroom floor. Her favorite remedy for heartache is self-blame. What had she done wrong this time? She wondered. What had she said to upset him? Why didn’t he want to talk to her? She had a long history of losing herself to love and she’d always believed one day it would lead her to where she was meant to be. Her mind grew more frantic as the morning lingered on. She tried to distract herself with other tasks, but nothing seemed to calm her.
She opened the front door and immediately felt the warmth of the sun on her skin. It was a lovely day outside, the kind where you can enjoy a hot cup of coffee on the front porch without shivering. The few remaining leaves were starting to make their slow descent to the ground. Winter had always been hard on her. Each year when the season approached, she would dread the coming months. Limited daylight kept her energy low and her disposition gloomy. She hated the cold weather, she could feel it deep down in her bones. The most dreadful thing to her was watching the color leave the earth. How could anyone love looking at a dead landscape which used to paint such a beautiful scene?
On this November day, she decided things were going to be different. It was time to start accepting the things she could not control. She needed to embrace her own release of the things which were no longer serving her. It was time for her to let go of memories that were once filled with beauty but no longer had any life left in them. This would only be one of many seasons to come. Next year all would be brand new.
She stepped outside into the morning sun and took the first sip of her extra hot cinnamon latte. Her lips released into an immediate smile as the warm espresso swirled on her tongue. She sat down in her favorite patio chair she bought last summer. She wondered if everyone pondered life the way she did. Most days she feels like she’s too reflective for her own good.
She tries to determine whether living with her heart on her sleeve is her greatest strength or greatest weakness. No matter how many disappointments come her way, she chooses to continue loving with an open heart. She knows pain is a reminder that she was willing to be open and vulnerable. She knows she can’t control how others choose to treat her, but she can choose how she will respond. She will continue pushing forward. She will continue believing in true love. She will continue pouring her love into the cracks of broken people with the hope that one day they will return the same love to her. She will let go and let things be. Even if only for this one November day.