I believe broken-hearted humans are wildly misunderstood. Heartbreak cannot be put into words, try as we might to make sense of it. No, when a soul has been bruised and battered to the point that it is unrecognizable, you cannot accurately describe the war zone that it has become. There are no appropriate adjectives or verbs in the English dictionary to properly convey the damage that has been done to you.
Heartbreak is a gut-wrenching process that no one is exempt from; it will demand your attention, and it will provoke you until you’ve acknowledged it and called it out by its name. It will not run scared in the other direction when you scream at the top of your lungs and your entire body is wracked with heaving sobs coming from deep within – no, this is exactly what heartbreak is looking for from you. It is searching for all of your most primal emotions to bubble up to the surface, and it is as relentless as a humid July afternoon in the blistering heat.
You simply cannot ignore it; maybe for a moment in time it can slip from your mind, but that will fade very fast. When you do not pay attention to your pain, it is like placing the proverbial band-aid over the bullet wound – it accomplishes nothing. And I think it is incredibly important to note that a broken heart comes in many, many forms. There is no one in this world that can feel your pain and trauma in the exact same way that you do, and this is what makes a broken heart as rare and one-of-a-kind as your fingerprints, the hairs on your head, and the way you send your love out into the world. It is an affliction that is a case-by-case basis; there is no one-size-fits-all.
And trust me when I say that mistakes will happen – you will fuck up on your journey of healing and unearthing and self-discovery. And while you walk this path, keeping yourself occupied, picking up the discarded pieces of your heart and soul that the ones who could not love you tossed away, you will feel it all. Your chest will feel as if it is going to break wide open, because as you heal, your body will begin to reject all the hate, fear, resentment, low self-esteem, and heartsickness you’ve become accustomed to. All of the toxic emotions and feelings that have made a home inside of you will officially receive their eviction notice. It will be uncomfortable to release the toxicity at first, but then you will experience freedom and light that you didn’t think could exist for you in this lifetime.
Nursing a broken heart is excruciating; you feel as if your tear ducts will dry up because of all the crying you’ve done – and this is so normal. It is so damn human of you, to allow your pain to exit your body in the form of big, purposeful tears. Crying needs to be normalized, because it is seen as a sign of weakness by so many, when in reality it is the opposite. Acknowledging the hurt you’re holding inside of you, and then allowing your emotions to spill out instead of suppressing them further, is a beautiful testament to your commitment — a commitment to yourself, and your healing.
And I promise you that when you begin to unburden yourself, when you begin to place all of the heavy emotions, feelings, and experiences down, you will feel lighter. Everything you have missed while you have been tending to your broken spirit will circle back to you, and it will be a beautiful milestone in your healing process. You will move with more ease, your mind won’t be so chaotic and full of sadness, and you will be more self-aware and clear-headed. However, please remember that this is not a quick-fix or an overnight success story. Healing requires you to put in the work like you never have before. It will call on you in ways that you previously believed you weren’t strong enough for, but you are. You are a pillar of strength, and the pressure you experience when change begins to take place will make your life a home once again. You won’t feel out of place in your own body anymore. After an arduous trek, you are home.