Who gave you the right to crash into my life? With those eyes, laugh lines, that endearing scar I can’t erase. Who gave you the right to take one look at me, burn down all of my defenses, knock me out with your charm, and make yourself at home as if you’d always belonged right here? There was an immediate pull between us; I was drowning in you from the moment you offered me your hand and told me your name. The magnetism was too cosmic to disregard. And the way you looked at me that winter afternoon when we had the whole arena to ourselves—our favourite kind of date. I was the quintessential Canadian girl falling in love with the small town junior hockey player with the beautiful sparkle in his eye. You held my gaze as we skated and said, “You are so perfect for me.” The charisma, the lies, the deceit – every moment is engraved on my heart. The pain you inflicted, how you captivated my full attention – it’s branded on my soul, begging to be noticed.
I can still feel your fingers leaving imprints on my skin. Along my spine; your touch, memorized. I can see every mile marker, all of the landmarks of discarded love and promises, inscribed like a forever tattoo. I scrub and scrub until my skin is raw, but it’s never enough to erase you, to rid myself of every word, every kiss, every single memory.
Now all the scars I own are in the shape of you. And try as I might to cover them up, they always peek out from their hiding place, threatening to break open every wound anew. Everything you destroyed is still trickling through my veins. It demands to be felt, and when I show it the door, it just laughs in my face. The alienation, the detachment, the contempt – the end of our relationship was drenched in so many haunted and hurtful moments. They are moments I wish I could erase, critical junctures we arrived at that I never wanted to face because I knew in my heart what was coming. But forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he has done. No, you won’t get away that effortlessly; we all have our crosses to bear. But you buried it all. You tucked me away in the deepest, most tortured parts of yourself. I dare you to stare down your mirror image, to face your ego, your truest self stripped bare. Face all of those demons you keep under lock and key. Cut the monsters loose and let them roam free.