I knew something was different about you. I had a feeling that you were pulling away from me- I even asked you if you were happy. You told me you were in love with me and that you were so happy. I shouldn’t have believed you but I did because its what I wanted to hear.
A month later you went away for the weekend with your friends and I knew from the lack of texts and calls that I had lost you. I worried all weekend and prayed that I was being crazy but I wasn’t. I knew when you didn’t call me on Saturday night that something happened. I knew that you would leave me. You told me we needed to talk and hung up on me.
You got home on Sunday at around 7 but instead of coming back to the apartment you went out. You avoided me until you got home at 2am. You brought your friend back to our home. I begged you to tell me what was wrong and you just said it. You broke up with me. You told me you were done and that was it. There was no room for discussion because you made it clear that I wasn’t what you wanted.
We slept in the same bed that night. I cried myself to sleep knowing that it would be the last time I slept next to you. Even though it killed me to sleep so close to you I knew it would feel better than sleeping alone.
The next morning you watched me pack everything into garbage bags. You sat there and stared at me while I sobbed over our failed relationship. This was the only time I saw you cry but I know you didn’t even care. I moved back to my parents house and I have been there since.
Everyday I hope that something changes. I think about you and me and our relationship and wonder if I did things differently would you still love me. I try not to talk to you because it crushes me but whenever you text me I answer. Everyone says that I am torturing myself and that I should set boundaries and be colder towards you. I want that for myself but I know that I wont do it.
I wish that I could forget you. I would love to wake up and not have you in my thoughts or memories because then I wouldn’t have this feeling inside of me. This feeling of someone closing their fist as tight as they can on my heart. You crushed me.
I never thought that I would be in this position. I ask myself everyday, where do I go from here? Will you come back? If I truly try to forget you, will you come back?