I can see that your eyes no longer flicker with the enthusiasm they once had. I can see the exhaustion and the limit to your energy, the pain and the disappointments piling up. I know you’ve lost sleep, people, confidence, and trust.
You’ve failed to realize that you can’t be everything to everyone. Instead, you saw that inability as a flaw. It ignited insecurity within you. You stopped saying “no” and you never accepted “no” as an answer. Instead, you pursued ”no” more aggressively.
But what have you gained? The empty honor for your deeds? You’ve tried to be what people needed. You’ve allowed yourself to be others’ light and allowed yourself to fade into nothingness. You’ve burnt brightly to only collapse on yourself.
You hide the pain, and unknowingly you pass it to others. You hurt the people who tried to help you. You pushed people away and you shrunk into loneliness.
You’ve built your walls, your fortress, thinking you’re safe and everything that happens within is forever hidden to anyone watching from outside.
You still love, but only in pieces. You let people into your fortress, but you don’t allow them to explore inside. You are not as reachable as you used to be, not as trusting, not as innocent, not as pure.
You’re cautious, you’re afraid.
If only I could wash you clean from the pain and take away your damaged parts so that you will feel the same again.
I hope you’ll find yourself back because you have been missed.
I wish I could bring you back.