You Can’t Win A Breakup By Dating Someone Else

I don’t quite think I can explain the knife that went into my chest when I went on your Facebook and saw that you were dating someone else. The whole reason I went on there was that we were having some issues with the lease we had both signed and it needed to be resolved (that and in the words of the Great Carrie Bradshaw “I’m an emotional cutter”). So after the blow to the chest, I still had to open up dialogue between us. Splendid. And this led to quite a train of events and so I have some things to say to you…

At some point during the conversation about a lease agreement you felt it necessary to bring her up. Thanks for that. (Stay classy my friend). But oh buddy you didn’t stop there. No. You went on to tell me that I should move on like you… I REPEAT YOU TOLD ME I SHOULD MOVE ON LIKE YOU! … Really?

You sir, seem to think you won the breakup because you started dating someone else. First of all, everyone who has seen it has told me two things. One you are callus and immature for making it a public thing. You were married and now you’re dating someone else, blasting it all over your Facebook like a 16 year old ain’t cute buddy.

The second thing they have told me is that they have never been more certain of how unstable you are. They can’t fathom how someone who was in love enough to be married, and has only been divorced 3 months could possibly be committed enough to someone else already enough to make it “Facebook Official.”

Because let’s face it, we are adults now. This isn’t high school you don’t make a relationship a public thing after one date and some conversations over Facebook or text. I have friends that didn’t make it official for 7 months of seeing the person, another was 4, and another was 6 months. You get my point? Good. This is just the point in your life where declaring a relationship means you are truly committed to each other.

So the idea that you would be that committed already, they and I to be honest, can’t fathom. Especially since up until a month ago you kept trying to contact me about us and getting back together, and finally quit when they all went unanswered (for both of our own good).

This leads me to my next reason you didn’t win. You’re tricking her. If we had just split because it turned out we weren’t right for each other, that would be one thing. But we didn’t. We split because you have an explosive temper that threw me out of a car, broke a door in our apartment, broke my ribs, caused blunt abdominal trauma, and then after refusing to take the time for anger management like I pleaded with you to get, you cheated on me. But you totally told her all that right? She knows all about the real reason why we split? No? Didn’t think so. See you are dating someone under false pretenses. She doesn’t know the dirty stuff about you. And speaking as a girl if she did, she would run. But you know that, and that’s why you haven’t told her. A real relationship where you are committed to someone, you know their dirty secrets. She doesn’t and you have no intention of telling her from what our mutual friends have told me. Real honest of you.

This is why you didn’t “win the break up”. You have always been about a facade. You want to have moved on, so you’re dating someone else. *slow clap* that’s not hard. The reason why I am not in a committed relationship right now, is because I know I am not ready for it. Because I have moved on from our relationship enough to see that there is a problem in letting a relationship define you. Which we did. Both of us, we were the cute young married couple. It defined us around everyone. Now you don’t know what to do because that’s not who you are in anymore. I get it. I was lost at first too.

I want to be able to tell someone all the dirty secrets, I want to feel comfortable being transparent with someone else but as of right now I can’t because you broke my trust in people. But you know what? I’m working on that. It’s been slow. It’s gonna be slow. I have accepted that. A lot happened between us. A lot of really shitty stuff. But unlike you I took the time, hell I am still taking the time to figure out who I am outside of a relationship.

You can’t just make it all go away by trying to feel normal and so you get in another relationship. It. Does. Not. Work. Cause that first time you go to a restaurant that reminds you of me and your whole attitude changes, what are you going to tell her? I mean you are who you are so you will lie, but she won’t believe you. What happens when this relationship ends? And now you are dealing with that break up and the one you never really dealt with in the first place.

Filling voids with something else doesn’t work either. I tried it a little after we split. I will be honest. I went out on dates with guys I had no real interest in just to not feel alone. I started going out to clubs and bars. I got way to drunk a couple times just to not feel the pain of us not being together. And I completely lost my shit at our University’s rivalry game because that was our thing, so I drank way more than I ever had and blacked out. And then you know what? I stopped. After that day. I just stopped.

I quit drinking to drown your memory (CAUSE BABY YOU AIN’T WORTH THE WHISKEY!). I quit looking for someone else just so that I wasn’t alone. Yeah, I’ve been on dates. But now they are because I want to learn how to date (We got married young, I’m behind on these things) and because now when I go out with someone I’m genuinely interested in them.

NOTHING in my life is about you anymore.

And you know what that means? That means I moved on. And I did it without needing anyone else to fill a void. I did it on my own.

And that’s why you didn’t win the break up.

I did. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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