“You have to say the unexpected,” I say in between sips of my highly-potent tequila soda. My best friend Liz has been worshipping this brown-haired blue-eyed boy who oddly resembles Lip from Shameless for the entire summer, and now was her chance to make her move. We’re stationed in a booth observing him talking to a brunette wearing a red tube top. My best friend looks scared. “You got this,” I say. “You have to tell him that he looks like a celebrity and then surprise him with someone random. He’ll be expecting Lip, I mean Jeremy Allen White. That’s what all these girls tell him….Tell him he looks like Adam Sandler.”
Liz laughs at the absurdity of what I say, but sure enough, she musters up the courage to approach him at the bar, while I stand in the corner like a proud mother. And guess what? It works. He’s a little thrown off by the Adam Sandler remark, and she comes off confident and cool as she orders her Corona. He looks intrigued. I’m so proud of my best friend at that moment. That was two years ago. They live together now in California.
Women who approach men receive a positive response 50 percent of the time. When men aimed at women who were rated as more “desirable” than themselves, their response rate was 21 percent. Those are numbers I’m willing to gamble with for pals.
Being the designated wingwoman has been my shtick for quite some time among my friends. Whether it’s predicting my peers next boyfriend or setting up my guy friends with a girl they’re eyeing at the bar, I take pride in meddling as the Dark Knight of my friend’s love lives. It takes the edge off the night and allows me to socialize a bit more freely without the underlying pressure of the “Am I meeting the one?”
However, the wingwoman life is not for everyone. So grab a drink, and take notes of some key factors of being the best possible wingwoman.
As soon as you hit the club, ask your pals what they’re looking for that night. It can be at pregame for a more detailed explanation, but make sure you know two things. 1) What’s their type? If they’re too busy having fun, you can scout on their behalf and 2) What are they looking for? A relationship? A one-night stand? If you’re going to be a wingwoman, make sure your friends looking for a relationship aren’t completely blacked out on a couch. Might not be the best look for the future hubby. Either way, make sure you communicate that you’ve got them covered for the night.
You have to be humble. Your ego needs to be checked if you’re going to approach someone on behalf of your friend because potential suitors might not get the correct social cues. Sometimes, they end up hitting on you. And as a true wingwoman, you have to be gracious enough to help your friend out instead of yourself. So in the end, have the confidence to approach someone and the humbleness to make your friend the star instead of yourself. While it can be an ego boost, it’s a short term one, and your friend was vulnerable enough to point someone out, so help them.
Find a group rather than a target. When you approach a group of guys, you gain insight on how men interact with women and what their thought process entails. Sometimes, they’re too shy to talk to your friend. Other times, they’re cocky and make your job easier. Either way, walking up to a group of guys can ensure some new friends for the rest of your night while also having some additional cheerleaders for your pals to end up together. A secret maneuver is hitting on one of his friends, but please proceed with caution. Only do this, if you’re genuinely interested in the friend— remember we’re not assholes here. It’s an impactful tactic as your friend can approach his or her target with a bit more ease as they see mutual friends hooking up and can share a cute little exchange.
People always rave about my wingwoman abilities, but few know why it’s something I put genuine effort into. Here’s why. Besides actually wanting to see my friends happy, I know how hard it is to approach someone you think is attractive. It’s daunting in a digital dating era filled with endless options. I like to treat people the way I want to be treated, and I believe in karma. It’s the same feeling I get when I leave glowing Instagram comments for my friends and the feeling I get when I buy my friend’s coffee without asking. It’s just a noble deed, and it usually makes for a fun story the next morning over mimosas. It makes me happy to see others happy. What can I say? Part of being a wingwoman is being a hopeless romantic. So if that means playing the fairy godmother to my friends, I’ll continue to intertwine myself in my friends and their romantic entanglements.