1. Getting blackout drunk.
No one thinks a blackout drunk married woman is worth their trouble. No one. Not even their husbands.
Unless you’ve told your husband in advance, a spontaneous sleepover is out of the question.
3. Texting people of the opposite sex.
If you’re married and you text people of the opposite sex constantly, your husband/wife will think something is up. And I swear to you, if you put a lock on your phone, that’s going to end up in a huge fight.
4. Dress like a college girl.
My best friend told me that I can’t dress like a “slut” anymore because I’m married. I thought about it and I can see where she’s coming from. I’m married — I have a husband. Who am I trying to impress out there? I’ve won the game.
5. Having dinner with members of the opposite sex.
This is a no-no. If you’re going to have dinner with a man and your husband isn’t there, that’s should set off red flags all over the place.
6. Buying clothes over groceries.
You can’t do this anymore. You have another mouth to feed now. So long Nordstroms. If you prioritize clothes or shoes or accessories over food, there’s something wrong with you. Maybe you shouldn’t be married.
7. Taking marriage advice from single friends.
They don’t have any idea what married life is like. It’s a completely different relationship — the structure is different. The politics of marriage — you’ll just have to experience it when you get married.
8. Sleeping in the middle of the bed.
The middle is the comfiest, but when you’re married, you have to make certain sacrifices.
9. Keeping nudes on your phone.
What are you, in your 20s? Get rid of your nudes when you can. Nothing screams “I’m going to cheat on you,” than nudes on your phone.
10. Making life all about you.
A marriage is between two people. A major point the lot of you miss is compromise. Marriage is compromise. If you can’t do that, you two are going to butting heads and into the divorce attorney’s office. It’s not all about you, honey. It’s about what’s beneficial to you both.
11. “Me” time.
“Me” time will be scarce. I’ll tell you that right now. Whatever you do, you and your husband (or wife) will be clumped together in social functions. “Oh, will Mr. Jasper be attending?” “What about your husband? Do you think he’d like to join us?” Prepare some packaged answers for these questions.
12. Going on vacation alone.
You can’t go on vacation by yourself anymore. Friends, family, even bartenders will think you’re crazy. It’s like your husband (or wife) has to be with you at all times! Looks like I won’t be getting blackout drunk in my Forever 21 dress in a bar in Barcelona by myself anymore.