If you happen to be an empath, like me, you may look back on your life and notice a pattern of magnetically drawing narcissistic people into your life, without fully understanding why. Until now, that is.
You’ve always known you were more emotional than your friends, taking on the pain of others around you. You have always been the one trying to “fix” those around you.
But what’s wrong with caring about people? Nothing is wrong with caring about people. The problem the empath has is that they care too much about everyone around them, and completely neglect themselves.
An even bigger problem is when the Empath starts caring about the wrong type of person. Enter the Narcissist. This is the exact type of person that is polar opposite of the Empath and so, of course, these two will be drawn together like magnets. And not in a good way.
This connection could not be more toxic. But it’s the ideal situation for the narcissist. You see, the narcissist is a very wounded person looking for someone to heal them.
The empath, although wounded themselves, is a healer by nature. Rather than face their own emotional pain, they focus on healing the wounds of others.
What they fail to realize is that the narcissist is an emotional vampire. They will completely drain you of all your emotional energy. They do this to build themselves up and use it to their own advantage, leaving the empath empty and debilitated.
The only agenda the empath has is to offer love and healing and care, so they grow more and more confused and frustrated when their efforts do not “measure up” or seem “enough” for the narcissist.
But the agenda of the narcissist is strictly to manipulate and use the empath for their own benefit. The more and more the empath pours themselves into the narcissist, the more power and control they have over the empath, and the weaker the empath becomes.
Soon the empath will feel overtaken by the narcissist and retreat into victim mode. Once they have reached this point, they will actually take on some of the traits of the narcissist as they become wounded and defensive, but this only leads to a vicious cycle.
The lower they feel, the harder they will try, and the angrier they will become — which will only validate to the narcissist what he is trying to achieve: empowerment.
And so he will do everything he can to continue to keep the empath down in order to keep himself up. The lower the empath becomes, the higher the narcissist feels.
As an empath, I remember being in my last relationship with an extremely Narcissistic man at this very point and feeling absolutely defeated. I kept trying and trying everything in my power to earn his love and affection, but it was past the point of no return. Nothing I did was ever good enough.
I remember having what I would describe as an out of body experience — where I could literally see myself acting so pathetic and trying so hard, but feeling so powerless to stop.
I lost all respect for myself. I wanted to leave, I wanted to stand up to him — and many times I did — but the truth was, he had beaten my self-esteem so low that I was terrified to be without him. I did not think I could do it. And he made sure I knew that.
This is not uncommon. In my case, it took me not feeding his ego any more or doing the things he wanted to a point where he eventually ended the relationship with me. And it was devastating.
After years together, he was utterly cold and heartless, and if you think the narcissist in your life won’t do the same to you — think again.
My hope is that you will read this and learn from it. That you will empower yourself and surround yourself with people who will help you and support you as you try to break free from the death-like grip of a narcissistic person.
Because I can promise you, it will only get harder as time goes on.