In My Dreams, You’re Singing For Me

You were with me. We were talking and laughing while we were walking in the street. Then you asked me something that was totally out of topic.

“Do you know this song?”

Then you sang a few lines (You don’t consider yourself a singer but you really have a nice voice. I feel warmth in my heart whenever I hear you sing, even if it’s out of tune most of the time, because you don’t like exerting effort when you sing). I smiled and looked straight into your eyes while you were singing. I told you that I didn’t know the song but the tune was kind of familiar. You just nodded and we went on with our conversation like that didn’t just happen.

Days later you told me to meet with you at the mall because you wanted to show me something. I agreed and didn’t think much about it. I thought that it wasn’t a big deal. But there were thoughts and scenarios in my mind that should have made me expect something but I pushed them away because meeting with you at the mall is just as mundane as having lunch together or driving around town, just the two of us, with no destination in mind. It must have been just nothing.

You told me to meet with you near the fountain, at the center of the mall. There were a lot of people that time and I felt a bit uncomfortable. You led me at the center and told me to stand where you told me to stand. Then you took a few steps backward and told me that you have a new trick. You said that you can land the rubber bands on my head just by tossing it. It didn’t make sense to me. Like, why would you do that in a crowded place? I felt silly but I let you do it anyway. You began tossing rubber bands on my head. It was so weird. But we were laughing. I was a bit paranoid though that the rubber bands might fall off my head.

Then I noticed you glancing at something or someone from behind me. I didn’t turn to take a look because I just thought that it was just random people passing by. Then something so unexpected happened.

Three other people gathered around me and then you stepped forward. They seemed familiar. The four of you held hands and formed a circle around me. I didn’t know what to think of what was happening. I thought that I was being played or something. The girl at my right smiled to me. Then you began singing that song that you asked me about. I still wasn’t sure what was happening. I can only remember how I felt.

I felt like my insides were melting. I covered my mouth in shock and was attempting to contain my smile as I listened to the lyrics of the song that you were singing. The others began to sing as well. All I can remember from the lyrics are the words “moonlight” and “star”. I still don’t know until now what song that was. My heartbeat was so fast. I could see people looking at us, smiling. I couldn’t help but laugh because we might have been funny and cute and cheesy to look at from those people’s point of view.

I couldn’t believe that you did that, sing to me in a crowded place. I never thought that you could be brave enough to do that. All the things that we did together that I forced myself to think that were just nothing might be something for you as well and I was so happy and excited that after everything I’ve been through to convince myself that you don’t feel the same way, it ended up that you actually do.

When the song was over, you just looked at me and smiled. We weren’t saying anything but I knew that we both understood what we wanted to say to each other. We all walked towards the fountain to sit. I was a little ahead of you and I felt like my heart stopped for a second when you reached for my hand and held it. I felt safe when you held my hand and walked beside me. It felt like I was home. I was relieved that finally, I found my home and it was in you.

We were sitting close beside each other and then I told you that I’d  just go to the restroom for a minute. When I stood up, you said,

“Okay, I’ll be right here waiting. Just right here, waiting.”

And then I woke up, and slowly, I felt the emptiness growing inside my chest extending to the other parts of my body.

It was not real.

And so are “Us.”