I’m lying on my bed waiting for sleep to embrace me. A random and ridiculous thought came to my mind.
If I found a lamp with a genie in it and would grant me three wishes, I wouldn’t use the first one to wish for a thousand more wishes, like most people would do, right? Three wishes. It’s enough for me. That’s all I would need.
My first wish would be to see you once more. To be able to look at you standing right in front of me. With your smile that used to melt my insides and weakened me. That smile that disarmed me and broke down my walls effortlessly. Also to be able to look at you right in the eyes because I would like to drown in them and see a glimpse of your soul again. To see your face that used to brighten my day. That face that I promised I would never forget but spent the last months desperately suppressing and trying hard enough not to let an image of it linger too long in my mind.
My second wish would be to hear your voice, to hear you say my name again. That deep, soft and smooth voice that was like a hot lava streaming out from a volcano as you spoke. To hear your laugh that I couldn’t help but to laugh along with because it’s that contagious and I just couldn’t help the happiness that I feel whenever I hear it. Also, to hear you say those three words that you used to whisper to me, like it was a top secret. It felt like it was only meant for me. And I would like to say it back now, I love you. I know it’s too late.
My third wish would be to be able to say goodbye and finally let you go, for good. I would want to set you free because you deserve it. I would want to loosen my arms around you and just let you go. I couldn’t hold on to you anymore. We’re both stuck in a place where we don’t even want to be in. Things have changed. They say that if you love a person, you should set them free but as much as I would want to, I couldn’t do it on my own. So I would need some help. I would need the three wishes. Only the three wishes. Or maybe just the third one.
I closed my eyes and forced myself to sleep. Here I am again wondering about you, wishing that I would be able to stop.