I Wish We Ended Differently

I wish we hadn’t sabotaged us this badly.

I wish you hadn’t impulsively left me behind, completely erasing any trace of my existence from your life. I wish I hadn’t gotten vengeful and met up with your friend. I wish you hadn’t lied about what you were doing the day you told me you were busy working. I wish I hadn’t told your secrets to anyone who’d listen.

I wish you’d told me that you regretted dating me since day one. I wish I’d seen the signs and left on my own. I wish you’d told me I was just a substitute for the girl who broke your heart. I wish you weren’t everything I wanted in a man and more.

I wish you had enough decency to be honest with me the entire time. I wish I had the intelligence to not hurt you, thinking it would make me feel better.

Because look at us now. Two people who have so much love for each other, but the same amount of hatred. You’re telling yourself don’t miss me and I’m telling myself I wouldn’t care either way. Every few months I see you drive past my house, and every time I wish you’d stop your car at least for a minute. I heard your sister showed you the articles I’ve written about you. She told me how she held you while you cried.

Neither of us are willing to take a step forward. Nothing stops but us. Even if one of us waves the white flag, the other would never accept it. I haven’t seen your face in years, but it feels like I’m constantly at war with you. ”In another lifetime,” I tell myself, but till then, I’m missing out on the greatest love of my life.

I wish we’d ended things respectfully, because then maybe then we’d trust each other. And even if we never talked again, that would be more than enough.

But since we can’t go back in time, I’ll just see you in my dreams. I hope you see me too.