Touch the wind

This Time, I’m Setting You Free

We were destined to meet, but we weren’t destined to be together. And I should have just accepted that the first time around. I suppose “right person, wrong timing” may actually be a thing, but you and I can’t relate to that. You may have actually been my soulmate, but you served your purpose in my life a long time ago. I must have done the same for you too, and I regret wanting to anymore. Any past life connection we may have had is now irrelevant because it’s time to move on. It doesn’t matter that I still haven’t found anyone who compares to you. In fact, it doesn’t even matter if I die alone, because it’s better watering a dead plant.

The “right time” has already passed by. During that time, I had the privilege of making many beautiful memories with you. It was one of the peaks of my life, and I’ll always be grateful that you gave me the chance to experience so many emotions. These emotions will never leave, but I’m choosing logic now. Logically, we’re just two souls that merged with one but can never be together.

A part of me always knew our potential fulfilled me more than our reality. When you left, I waited and waited for us to fulfill that potential. Today I realize that even if we could, all that matters is that we didn’t. Twice. Maybe with the next girl you won’t choose your pride over love. And maybe with the next guy I won’t exhaust myself waiting for love to finally choose me. But right now, all that matters is we will never be enough for each other. We deserve to be enough for the people we love.

I’m going to stop fighting now. This time, I’ll set you free. With this intention, I’m setting myself free too. This isn’t me walking away, but me no longer chasing something that’s already left. While I stand still, I’m opening up to the possibility of the love I think I deserve. While you leave, I hope you can without any regrets.

You’ve made the same choice you made two years ago, and this time I support it. I’ll no longer try to invalidate it by making excuses for you. We aren’t “twin flames in separation”, and I’m sure you have good reasons for choosing to give up on us twice. Forgive me for all those times I fought for you to change your mind.

I won’t burden myself with “what ifs” and the possibility of you missing me. Nor will I allow myself to care about your innermost feelings about me while you stubbornly hold onto your pride. If you really wanted me in your life, I wouldn’t have to wonder.

Your return brought back all the joy, excitement, and butterflies I once missed so desperately. But this time, it also brought back the dread at the back of my mind that everything was only temporary yet again. I recognize this realization of “us” slowly sinking into the ground. This time, I’ll just accept it gracefully.

An amateur writer with too much to say

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