1. “WHY THE HELL DID I SIGN UP FOR THIS?”
As you gallop along the trail looking like part dying horse and part human this thought will probably consume your mind. Sure, those some odd 3 months ago when you signed up for this half marathon it seemed like a splendid idea. You told yourself things like “I’m going to run everyday” and “I’m not going to drink because I’m training” and all of those other little lies that you tell yourself. Then, somewhere around mile 6 and regret you are dying for a drop of Gatorade to sustain the life that you no longer have.
2. “Why is there chaffing, no one told me that there was going to be chaffing involved”
Ah, those festering red scrapes. Anyone who is a runner knows that chaffing is a thing. If you have never ran a mile before you decided to run 13.1 of them, chaffing will become a harsh reality that you must face. Too bad they don’t hand out chaffing cream instead of water during the race because right now the things you would do for it would go against your moral code for a lifetime. You will chaff in places you didn’t know were possible and will enjoy every minute of it.
3. “I am so much cooler than all of these people cheering”
You will think to yourself “I’m kinda a big deal” I mean, all of those people obviously woke up a 7AM on a Sunday to cheer for you and only you. For a brief moment in time, there are probably hundreds of people cheering for you just to finish this thing. You feel on top of the world because you got your lazy butt out of bed to run and this is your day to feel like a rock star.
4. “I’m going to die”
This happens around mile 10 when the sweat pools in your eyes, (or are those tears?) and all of the miles start to blur together. This my friends, is called THE WALL. You personally feel like an elephant jumped on your back and your legs are cemented into the ground as to fumble up another hill. You are wandering aimlessly through the abyss sort of like that one time you got drunk and ended up in the woods 5 miles from your house. There’s a voice in your head that screams obscenities at you, but you push through because like it or not, you knew that this point was coming eventually and you love/hate it.
5. “What am I going to eat after this?”
This is the main thing you will think about guaranteed. After burning some odd 1300 calories, you can bet that you are thinking about all of the wonderful morsels of food that you are going to consume after 13.1 miles of pure death. 13.1 pancakes, 13.1 Subway foot longs.. You know why? Because you deserve it. You just did what more than half the nation doesn’t do and you deserve to eat whatever you damn well please and no one can judge you for it.
6. “I want to do another one!”
This is primarily after you cross the finish line, receive your medal, and feel on top of the world. Even though it was a hard journey and during it you wanted to die, something in you makes you want to do it AGAIN. This is possibly the best and worst thing possible. It is an addicting feeling that you want to feel again and again, and despite the pain you endured you know it is worth the self-satisfaction in the end.