You Aren’t Always The Other Half Of The Cutest Couple Ever

Being cheated on is a very, very normal thing, unfortunately. This is something that’s happened to your sister, to your friend, to your neighbor, to your dog. Once in your life, you might have cheated on a significant other; or, you might have been cheated on.

I don’t want to delve into the ugly reasons for cheating on someone, much less examine the horrible excuses we come up with for doing so. And oh, let’s not get into that never-ending blame game.

When someone cheats on you, it usually starts off a series of unhealthy thoughts and actions. If you think you are mature and emotionally stable, however, I advise you not to read any further. This is for psychopaths like myself, who have developed a Crazy Ex Disorder (or CED) once in their lives. Symptoms include a lot of incoherent crying, unreasonable behavior, illogical activities bordering (or crossing the line to) total stalker-dom, some bitch fits and inconsistent reasoning resulting in a lot of really bad judgment.

Leading experts have concluded that most subjects self-diagnosed (or for those in denial, diagnosed by a dedicated team of what we can only call “true friends”) with CED have been known to have a combination of at least three or all of the symptoms with varying degrees of extremeness.

As someone who has recovered (or is still recovering) from CED, I can there is one particular thought that most jilted exes have: “Sooner or later, they will break up, too.”

We all want to believe that the person we were left for is nowhere near as perfect as we are and therefore amounts to nothing more than a passing fancy. We wait for news of their break-up, managing the pain of the initial cutesy posts they have together, knowing that these will soon die down. We wait and we wait… If we’re really, really lucky, news of this breakup reaches us while we still care.

But sometimes they don’t break up. To your dismay, they stay with each other, seemingly stronger and better together than you ever were with him. And you learn to endure more photos of them together, slapping you with the reality that perhaps their relationship far exceeds what you once had. That in spite of their hateful and hurtful beginnings (to you anyway), they were always meant to be together.

And while you once rejoiced in the fact that she could never take your place in the way all his friends and family were familiar with you, you slowly find yourself forgotten. The inseparable way you signed your names on birthday greetings is nothing more than a memory now. The people who once thought you were the cutest couple ever now find the new pair more adorable and perfect-for-each-other than you ever were.

All the name-calling and crying sessions you have will never be able to erase the fact that he is no longer yours. You are no longer in the picture, and the more you try to keep yourself in there, the worse off you will become. Because the break-up you have been hoping, wishing and praying for might never come—will probably never come.

The worst part? The more photos of them that you see together (no matter how much you still want to punch that bitch smack in her smug smile), the more you find yourself agreeing (however reluctantly), that maybe they do look good together. You might have been a part of a cute couple once, but you are no longer part of this—the cutest couple ever.

So get over it and start focusing on something else—like becoming a better person. Sooner or later, you can and will be the other half of the cutest couple ever again; but that’s only if you ever really let yourself heal from your Crazy Ex Disorder.