You say she broke your heart. You tell the world how much you hate her. You see yourself as a victim… prey that fell for a monster.
You want all of your energy back. You want all of your love back. You want all the time she had wasted back. You want everything you did for her back. You want nothing to do with her anymore.
You want to forget her.
You want to hurt her.
You want to break her.
You believe she wasted everything. That she wasted your relationship. You’re angry, because you once gave her everything. You gave her the world, but she gave you nothing. You made sacrifices for her, yet she failed to see.
Or at least, that’s what you think.
Everything has to be about you.
But here’s the truth:
You said she broke your heart. What you don’t know is how you broke her heart first. You tell the world how much you hate her. You have turned everyone against her. Yet she can’t even say one word against you. While you see yourself as the victim, she can’t help but wonder if she really is the monster.
Should she blame herself for wanting to breathe? Should she have let you try to suffocate her? Should she have let herself drown with the toxic chemical that you call love?
You want all the time she wasted back. You want everything you did for her back.
If she could, she would give it all back. She wants nothing to do with you anymore, either. Because all she wants right now is to forget.
Because you hurt her.
Because you broke her.
You tell her she wasted everything. That she wasted your relationship. What you don’t know is the number of times she cried for feeling so useless. She tried to give you everything that she could and yet, you chose to see the things she could not give.
You accused her of hurtful things. What you don’t realize is the
number of times she tried to save your relationship. The number of times you hurt her time by asking for more. Demanding more…
Until your relationship became something that wasn’t worth saving.
Because you already hurt her.
You already lost her.
And now you’re telling everyone about how you feel used. About how you feel like she did not love you enough. Well, maybe that was the problem all along. You always thought that her love was not enough… That she was not enough.
No matter how hard she tried, it was never enough for you.
Maybe you loved her.
Maybe you fell in love with the idea of loving her.
Or maybe what you actually loved was just the idea of her.
She loved you. She really did. But you were so busy looking at her flaws that you failed to notice. You were so busy loving the idea of her, so busy loving the idea of loving her, that you failed to love her at all.
Try to recall the number of times you told her she wasn’t enough.
The number of times you tried to turn her into someone she’s not.
The number of times you told her that her way of loving you was not what you wanted.
Maybe then you’ll realize how you lost her in the first place.
Maybe then you’ll understand why she chose herself over you.
Loving someone does not guarantee that they will stay. In this case, you did not give her a reason to. You think you loved her. She thinks you loved an idea.
And even if you really did love her, there is no excuse for what you are doing. Because if you think that loving her is an excuse to break her over and over, you shouldn’t have loved her at all.
You shouldn’t have loved me at all.