How have you been?
It took me two weeks before I could finally acknowledge that you left me. Two weeks before I could finally write about you. Writing about you was painful. Thinking about you was painful.
I wanted to tell you everything, everything that happened right before you left. The places I’ve seen (as if there’s a lot), the dreams I had (it was mostly about you), the food I ate (gained 5 pounds since you’ve left), the guys I’ve dated after you and how they never came close to you. Do you remember our first and last date? You’ve always held my left hand, you owned it. I never let anyone touch my left hand, they had my right, the left was always yours.
I went to a job interview today and all I could think about was you. How I planned to get a job near yours so that we could see each other every night after work. I was preparing to adjust my life for you, to consider you in every decision I was gonna make. I was afraid to take a risk, but I did it anyway.
I ate at a pizza parlor today. I read the menu and saw that they have Mozzarella Sticks. We ate that on our first date, and pizza too, you almost choked on it and you were so cute. I smiled while I flipped the page. I ordered pizza and it reminded me of you. It reminded me of everything, of every word, promises, things you’ve said. It reminded me of your beautiful laugh. Your beautiful eyes, your beautiful smile. How could something so beautiful ruin me?
It reminded me of how soft your lips were, how you pressed them against mine. Your tight hugs, the way your skin felt against mine. It reminded me of how I watched you sleep, and for the first time in my life, I felt peace and happiness. Waking up next to you was the best feeling in the whole world. It felt like an eternal bliss. Only to find out later on that you’re just my temporary happiness. My happiness that couldn’t stay because of reasons I can’t understand but I should understand. If you’ll be a word, you are fleet.
I don’t hate you despite of everything that happened. I can’t hate you. I genuinely wish that you find the happiness and the person you really deserve, I hope you have the best life because you are the best thing that ever happened in mine.
As for me, I hope that soon enough, I’ll be able to give my left hand to someone.
Writing about you is still painful. Thinking about you is still painful.
I took a risk, I was ready, but you weren’t.