What if I didn’t gain weight?
What if I was admitted to that university?
What if I never met him?
What if I took another job?
What if we never moved?
What if I’ve never fallen into that pitch black hole?
What if I’m not thinking of these what ifs because these were actually true?
How different would my life be right now?
How sure am I that it would be a better version of the life I’m currently having?
How sure am I that I needed these to be real? That I wanted to change what happened in the past?
For as long as I could remember, I would ask a lot of what ifs. I became accustomed to escaping reality and thinking about these fantasy worlds. I cannot seem to learn how to be contented, always striving not only to have more, but also to be more. To be that person I always envisioned myself to become.
But these endless what ifs are questions that remain unanswered, and I am okay with that. Somehow, I don’t look forward to knowing every bit of detail about an alternative future.
I am more curious about the future this reality has to offer. For this future will always be uncertain. It is unpredictable in nature, that’s the beauty of it!
Because in this uncertainty, comes endless possibilities.
To all the what ifs I could ever think of, thank God you didn’t become real. I would’ve been a completely different person with different goals in life.
I would’ve chosen a different career, appreciated myself less, and never discovered how resilient I can be.
Because of these what ifs, one thing became certain, I will continuously strive to become a better person until the time that there are no longer what ifs to think about.
So, here’s to all the what ifs:
One day, I will learn not to ask you again.