Before you met her, you could see her eyes light up every single time. You could see her goals carefully crafted into perfection. You could see how she perceives the world. You could see that she would always believe that life is indeed beautiful.
In the process of wanting to be with you, she changed herself.
She dresses a little bit sexier. She moves and talks a little more lady-like. She shows interest in activities that you’re interested in. All because she wanted you to notice her.
There’s no sense in denying that she was happy when she was with you. She WAS. She would look at you with pure admiration, thinking “What did I do to deserve a man like him?” She was comfortable with you being around, she felt secured. She slowly began to imagine you in her future. She slowly began to think of having a family with you. She slowly began to imagine all these things. She loved you that much.
After a few months of ending your relationship, she still stares once in a while. You would see it in her eyes that she is unhappy. Somehow, you could read through her mind. She was tired, but at the same time, she wanted to hold on. And she felt helpless because you didn’t even let her be a part of your decision. You just wanted to quit everything, even if she was ready to give her all, to hold on a bit tighter. But for you, everything seems so easy to just throw away.
She would always be reminded of the conversation you had every time she pass through that place you used to dine in. She would always be reminded of how you would caress her face and brush her hair with your smooth fingers. She would always remember how you would greet her every morning, and every night before you both go to sleep. She would remember how everything was in place, how everything was simply perfect. And she would always be reminded of how it all just ended.
She wanted to let go of you, but she can’t seem to do this one thing for herself. Every day, she would try not to expect a message from you. Every single day, she would try to make herself busy for her not to remember you. She would try these things and it will always frustrate her every time she fails to do so.
She doesn’t want you in her life anymore, that’s for sure. She doesn’t want to see you.
She doesn’t want to remember you by the thousand things that she associates you with. She just wants to end it all. She tries to hold back the tears, but she doesn’t believe that she is strong enough to do so. Every single second of every single day, this is what she repeatedly suffer from because of you.
Amidst all of these, not even once did she think of blaming you. All she did was blame herself. All she did was ask herself, “Where did I go wrong?”, “What did I not give him?”, “Why did I just give up?” And every single day, her own mind will reply with thoughts criticizing her own self, on how she was never even good enough for you.
But after all the blaming and the questioning, she’ll illuminate. She’ll be radiant. She’ll be more beautiful. She will slowly go back to her real self. And if you see her again, you’ll want to love her with everything you have. But by that time, you cannot ruin her anymore. By then, she’ll be indestructible.