Thought Catalog

20 Brutally Honest Reasons Why I’ve Never Been The Girl With A Boyfriend

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Tamara Bellis

1. I’m a very patient person.

I wait for beautiful things to happen in my life. I’m not the type of person to rush through things because I believe that these things happen in their right time. Not only do I wait for them to happen, I also exert tremendous effort. So that when the time comes, I’m ready. Right now, I’m still learning to love myself unconditionally, so I could also give this kind of love to another person in the future.

2. I don’t get pressured by society.

Most of my friends already had a boyfriend for at least once in their lives. Some are endlessly looking for “the one” on dating sites. One of my friends actually even told me right in the face: “You’re already 20, you should start looking for someone already!” But, I didn’t believe her nor did I get pressured. In my mind, I still have a lot of years ahead of me and I will still think that way no matter what other people say. Above all, I don’t believe that love is something you search for, I believe that love is something you simply find.

3. I need genuine and unconditional love.

I don’t need fake love and a fake relationship. I need a genuine one. I don’t want to enter into a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. I want to actually be happy and be one with the person I’m with.

4. I think too much.

Usually, when someone did express their love for me, I worry that it’s only an infatuation. Something that just lasts for days. Even though some guy would tell me over and over again that I’m special to him, I feel that it’s not genuine. That he’s just saying these meaningless words. I guess, I don’t trust people that much. And so, the guy eventually gets tired and decides to give up on me.

5. I read into what love “should” be too much.

Because I’m well-informed of what true love is, I tend to really evaluate the type of love given to me. I would always think that this is not genuine love, this is not real. But, I do believe that some definitions are unrealistic and as a result, my idea of love often becomes unrealistic too.

6. Guys tend to be intimidated by me.

I’m not saying this to boast about myself, this is actually according to my friends. I didn’t realize this until they said it. When people look at me, speak to me and know more about me, they usually have this impression that I’m too intelligent for them. Again, I’m not boasting, I honestly don’t think that I’m that intelligent. I’m just a person with an average IQ and excels academically because of my study habits. But again, according to my friends and to other people I know, maybe guys tend to be intimidated and as a result, they never have the guts to express their feelings for me.

7. I love my family too much.

My parents and I had this rule that I should not have a boyfriend until I graduate college. And even though they’re not terribly strict about it, because I have too much respect for them, I decided to keep it. True enough, I still don’t have a boyfriend even though I graduated from college a month ago.

8. I kept on being reminded of how awesome the “single life” can be.

My parents of course are the ones who usually remind me of this. They always tell me to enjoy your life first because once you get into a relationship, you’re never gonna be able to think only for yourself. You would always consider him if you want to do things. So right now, be free.

9. I don’t want to waste other people’s time.

Usually, if a guy expressed his feelings but I think that our friendship will never develop into a romantic relationship, I would always tell the guy that we’re better off as friends. Some people would think that it’s rude to actually “friendzone” people, but I believe it’s the nicest thing to do. I want to be honest in a relationship and if I don’t see the possibility of a friendship further developing into a romantic relationship. I don’t want to make a person wait for me and waste his time.

10. My anxiety level is beyond average.

I think my anxiety usually stops me from entering a relationship because I think about what will happen in the future too much that I often forget to just live in the moment. I keep on thinking if the person and I would make a good pair and raise good kids. I somehow can’t stop these thoughts from entering my mind. Because of this, I usually just give up on the person. I can’t seem to find the imperfectly perfect guy that will turn my weaknesses into strengths. That, I believe, is very much needed in the future.

11. I want to be with someone I’m comfortable with.

Maybe some people would just enter a relationship without actually considering this, but I’m definitely not like that. I believe this is the most important thing in a relationship. I want to be with someone I’m comfortable with because I might spend the rest of my life with that person. If I don’t feel comfortable now, how could that person and I make beautiful things out of our relationship?

12. I’m too focused about my future.

I’m a very goal-oriented person. I have a high need for achievement. Because of this, I believe that if the person’s not worthy of my time, I usually just cut the conversation. If I see the person as a distraction and not as a motivation to reach my goals, then I don’t consider him as someone I want to spend my life with.

13. I usually have a busy schedule.

I’m a person who’s very active in organizations. Usually, I only have time left for my other priorities (my family, my friends, my goals) and none left for a relationship. It’s really rare for me to find time for this. So when I do, that person needs to be very important to me.

14. I take relationships too seriously.

For most people this is a plus, but for some, it’s sad to say it’s not. Of course, this is only my opinion. Some people are just bored, so they talk to you and later on, they would want to be in a relationship with you. I don’t want to enter into a relationship just because I’m bored, I want to do so because I’m ready and because I wholeheartedly want to be in one.

15. I love myself too much already.

It took me years to finally love myself fully, so if there’s even the slightest chance that a guy might destroy me, I’m not willing to take that risk. They say that when you love, you take these risks. But for me, when you learn how to fully love yourself, this somehow feels impossible to do. How can you just let some random guy hurt you? I don’t need a guy who will make me feel bad about myself. I need a guy who will make me love myself even more. And if he’s not like that, I’m scared that somewhere down the road, I might also end up unloving myself.

16. I tend to keep everything inside of me.

I don’t usually share my thoughts and feelings especially to someone I don’t trust and I can’t seem to trust anyone enough. If I think that a person is angry at me, sometimes I keep it to myself until I convince myself that the person is really angry at me and start reacting. These negative thoughts become temporarily buried in my mind until they learned to live again. I lost some friends in the past because of this.

17. I feel that I’m too difficult to love.

As dramatic as it sounds, I believe that this is true. Sometimes, I think that people usually have a hard time learning to love me. So, if a guy said that he already loves me, I tend to reject what he says and not believe him at all.

18. When I ask about love stories, people share their heartbreaks.

Whenever I encounter a person who has a love story to tell, I usually ask them to share it with me. But instead of telling me how happy they felt when they were in a relationship, I’m told of the wounds that were left. This makes me frightened about entering a relationship. It leads me to think that these wounds are the only things that I’m going to end up with.

19. I believe in others’ opinions too much.

My friends and my family would always give their opinion on how they see the person who’s courting me. I believe in their views too much and I end up viewing the guy that way as well. I begin to see him for his weaknesses and not for his strengths. Almost all of the time, this happens.

20. I waited too much.

I waited too long to find someone I can spend my life with, so when a person comes into my life, I keep on thinking if he was worth the wait. For a few weeks, I’d convince myself, but as the clock ticks, I begin to convince myself less. I would always think that I deserve all the love that I can have in this world. I would always think that he’s not enough and maybe I’m not that enough for him too. Maybe I’m just too scared of finally ending up with someone that I think would just hurt me. I think, “Maybe, he’s still not the one for you, so wait a little more.” TC mark

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