About Moving On And Finding Someone You Don’t Have To Change For

Flickr / Shanon Wise
Flickr / Shanon Wise

For some people change is a hard concept to grasp. Its hard to grasp that the person you cared so much about at one point is moving on, they don’t care about you the same anymore. Let me just tell you if they are moving on quickly, they have been “over it” long before it ended. No matter how hard someone tries they can’t always be the person you are trying to make them. They can’t live up to your impossible standards, and they maybe they just can’t reciprocate the feelings you have.

If that is the case, the best piece of advice I can offer is to move on. Move on and find someone who you don’t have to change. Someone whose flaws you can accept and someone who balances you out. Right now, it is absolutely ridiculous how many people settle for whatever they can “get” as far as a significant other. They let people control them, or they become “that” controlling person. It makes me sick, I realized more this past year then ever that you need to be with someone who not only possesses the qualities that you look for in someone, but also has similar goals and is at the same point in life as you. If they are not looking for the same things as you, if they don’t have the same (or similar) values then what is your relationship based off of? You are just using each other for the time being until you either:

1. Get sick of each other, or
2. Someone else is found

No matter how hard you try, it is going to be impossible to mold someone into the person you want them to be, even if they love you enough to change they shouldn’t have to. They will never be happy and neither will you.

The expectations of relationships now are more materialistic and about the gifts you are the “cute” couple. Its no longer about the bond two people share, its about what that bond looks like to the outside world. If that is what you are now looking for then once all that stuff goes away what will be left later in life?

Girls, start looking for guys that are respectful, not only to you, but those around you. Look for the guy who makes you happy just being around him, the guy who you can cook dinner with, or the guy who you can do homework with. Look for the guy you can call your best friend. Would you get mad if your best friend didn’t cater to your every need? No! A best friend is there to love you, support you, and laugh with you. Not be your personal bitch. Your guy will take care of you someday, but you will also take care of him.

Guys, look for a girl who wants the best for you, who makes you want to be a better man, not someone who doesn’t think you are good enough so you should change, or someone who is embarrassed to call you theirs. Also look for a girl with a backbone, someone who won’t let you push them around, but also doesn’t get mad at every single thing, pick your battles. Lastly, look for a girl who you can look at and just think, “Damn she is beautiful!” And no I am not just talking about, “She is going out tonight and she looks hot.” I am saying she could be wearing anything and you not only find her physically beautiful, but you know her well enough to say her soul is beautiful as well.

My last bit of wisdom is to just reflect on your life and personal relationship (if you have one) and just think about why you are with the person you are with, (or why you are not) and make sure it is for the right reasons. Don’t drag someone along because you are afraid of hurting them, they will thank you in the long run for ending it even if they don’t see it right away. I have been on both ends of this situation and all I can say is how happy I am both of these relationships ended. Neither of them was right for me and I couldn’t be happier where I am now.

Basically the whole point of this is to just reflect on what you think of when you think of a relationship, are you looking for someone for the right reasons? or are they just someone to keep you from being lonely. Be sure to be someone for the right reasons. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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