1. Not blocking them immediately
There are only three reasons to stay in touch with an ex: kids, pets, or shared property. But you know what? We don’t always see lack of contact as a blessing. Especially if the wound is still fresh.
2. Keeping their stuff for longer than you have to
If they wanted that sweater or those ugly shoes, they would have collected them as soon as they got their new place. You’re not doing them a favor, you’re keeping excuses to get in touch. Which reminds me…
3. Making up excuses to see them
Yes, you did book those movie tickets months in advance, and no, of course you don’t want to miss opening night and risk spoilers. Just… do you really need to make a date out of it? Or can you not sit on opposite ends of the theatre?
4. Rehashing the same stuff with your girlfriends over and over again
They listen because they love us. But they will be very happy when you get bored of the topic, because it means you’re on the way to healing.
5. “U up” texts
It is a truth universally acknowledged that every time you booty call an ex, you add three months to your healing process.
6. Going a little overboard on the online dating
Self-esteem may be overrated, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong for you to seek it out. Just be safe and make sure there’s condoms to go around.
7. Overdoing it in the gym
It’s best to do stuff for yourself, but listen — if running on the treadmill helps you sleep better, then that’s better than wallowing in grief until 3 a.m. (See also point 5.)
8. “Letting yourself go”
Fuck the idea that you have to constantly be put together. You’re heartbroken, you don’t owe anybody a game face or a game bod. It’s hard to bounce back once the depression lifts, but that’s what highlights and mani-pedis were invented for.
9. Thirst-trapping on social media
You want to show your ex what is missing. It’s not a great impulse, but it’s an understandable one. So long as you don’t tag your colleagues in the posts, it’s ultimately not catastrophic.
10. Hating on their rebound
Jealousy is a sign of insecurity, and guess what? When we’re heartbroken, we’re pretty fucking insecure. Just don’t go stalking the poor sucker, that relationship is no longer your responsibility.
11. Being obsessed with finding your next partner
Obviously, you don’t want to think of yourself as inherently dumpable. But getting too invested in your next relationship is way too much pressure too soon — focus on having fun, otherwise, it turns love into more work.
12. Not enjoying the single life
Being single isn’t a punishment. Make your independent life so good that you won’t break it for anybody but the most exceptional of people. (But it’s okay if you don’t feel like this now.)
13. Too much Netflix and not enough Chill
“Nailed It” and “Friends” are there for a reason — to help us disappear when the rest of the world is shit. And, occasionally, to inspire us to make unicorn cake shepherd’s pie.
14. Calling up the ex before you to compare notes
Some people are down for that. Unfortunately, it rarely ever helps your healing — savvy exes know not to poke the beehive and try their best to get away from a situation that causes them pain. The only ones who would be willing to indulge you would be people who thrive on their own drama. It’s a slippery slope to go down.
15. Hoping that they change their minds
Heartbroken people are liable to read too much into things. We hear “I can’t be in a relationship right now” and we latch onto hope that things will change soon. A month goes by, and then another, and it isn’t until we have invested ourselves in an outcome that we realize the other person was trying to do us a service and disappear.
Moral of the story? When people tell you they don’t want you, believe them and run away.