Don’t Fight For This Love

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Anika Huizinga / Unsplash

There are times it’s literally not worth it.

How can it be, though? You ask yourself, as a supercut of the two of you runs behind your eyes, a “Best Of” reel that is still missing the best bits. First kiss. First date. First time you make love. All missing. All so tantalisingly close. If only you fight for it. If only you persist.

How can it be, that this love is not worth fighting for? It goes against the laws of nature, and every instinct you have. It goes against every damn lesson you learned in childhood and adulthood, that nothing good comes without a proper fight. It’s okay if you fail, so long as you try.

And now some embittered Internet writer is telling you to give up before you even begin. How can this be?

I want you to look away from this person you love, just for a second. Look, a few inches to their side. There’s something they have wrapped their arm around.

Someone.

That someone did not appear out of thin air. That someone did not guilt them or hypnotise them or blackmail them so that they hold them like this. That someone is there for a reason – because the person you love wants them there.

Take the time to let that sink in. Take as long as you need. Trust me on this, it’s more important than sharpening your weapons and going to war – there is none to be won. Fighting has ceased without a single shot fired, and now it’s your turn to settle in the new reality.

And yes. It’s painful. It’s more painful than you can imagine, because you grew up believing that hard work and grit pay off, that effort counts, that people and hearts can be “won over” the same ways a city or a stronghold, with fire and fury, holding down your ground until your last breath. It’s hard to accept that this love is not one to fight for, at least not without taking a stand.

Don’t. Lay down your weapons. Step aside.

This person you love does not love you back. Not in the way you want to. Not in the way you need. If that were the case, they’d be here, with you, right now.

They are not, because they chose not to.

They’re sending you a message right now; not an SOS, but a declaration. They don’t want to be with you.

Let them.

You love them. Give them the gift of having exactly what they ask for. TC mark

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