This Is What Kind Of Guy He Is, Based On His Cologne

(Note: This is not an exhaustive list, nor is it a particularly serious one. And don’t worry, ladies. I’m going to roast us next.)
A man wearing a t-shirt and denim cutoff shorts
Brooke Cagle / Unsplash

Thè Noir

He isn’t too fussed about bling and status, but enjoys the finer things in life. Expect to have long, intense conversations about backpacking and “looking expensive for less” fashion.

Terre d’Hermès 

He heard from his dad that this perfume “attracts the females.” He subsequently discovered that this is true.


He plays soccer, and likes winning. You’ll wonder if the ball is all that he likes hogging.

Eau Sauvage

His granddad wore it, his dad wore it, and now he wears it. He doesn’t know of other fragrances and doesn’t care to find them out because why ruin a good thing?


He’s Johnny Depp.

Lynx/Axe body spray

He’s a hipster. Or he’s 17. Either way, he’ll insist all your opinions are wrong and will try to sell you a little too hard on the Dresden Dolls.

Adventure by Davidoff

Someone gave him a bottle for his birthday and he’s still using it up.

Rose of No Man’s Land

Likes the finer things in life and doesn’t let things like “gendered marketing” get in the way of it.

Coco Mademoiselle

Likes to party. There is a 50% chance he wears a mini handbag as a necklace.


It was the first thing he smelled in the store that he liked.

Doesn’t wear cologne

He’s allergic, he’s a doctor, or he literally can’t be bothered.

Doesn’t wear cologne and takes pride in his B.O.

He’ll expect you to go down on him, but does not reciprocate.

“It’s the shower gels they have at my gym”

He spends so much time in the gym he doesn’t bother buying his own toiletries.

Le Male

He has limited editions of everything. Don’t touch any of his stuff without permission.


He’s so sexy he doesn’t care if he smells like diesel fumes.

Fracas by Roger Piguet

Most likely a Scorpio. If you end up in bed with this person, don’t expect to come out of there for at least a week.

Green Irish Tweed

JFK was his favorite president. He also doesn’t care enough to check whether a story is true or a marketing ploy.

Silver Factory

Andy Warhol is his favorite painter. Andy Warhol is, actually, the only painter he knows.

Generic incense

Chances are, he’s a white dude with dreadlocks. He’ll spend a date arguing how consumerism is wrong, and then discover at the end that he forgot his wallet at home.

Burberry Brit Rhythm

Every girl he’s ever dated broke his heart. You will learn all about it before your coffee order has even arrived. He will then tell you how he is still holding out for hope and that every new meeting is a new opportunity, and also, do you wanna come to Thanksgiving dinner with him and his family… six months from now… and let him introduce you as his fiancée? It’s not that he’s rushing to get tied down, you see.

It’s just that other people can be so presumptuous. TC mark


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