I’m. Fucking. Tired.
Tired of the bullshit games that men play. Tired of men pretending to be something they’re not. Oh, I know, this is nothing new. But I’m standing up for all my fellow female-kind and saying that this shit? Needs to stop…and yet, it won’t. So what we need to do is be more aware, more receptive to the signs, more open to the truth that we’re being played.
Besides all the normal flaws and red flags, there is one thing that should never be present when you’re dating or getting to know someone, and that is doubt. If you have any doubt in the beginning, I guarantee you that doubt will always be present. There is nothing anyone wants more in their relationship than to be sure of their partner and know that their partner is sure of them. And you cannot build a solid relationship based on trust if you are surrounded by doubt.
I’m not jaded or cynical, but I am guarded. I’ve found through experience that when something seems too good to be true, it usually is. I’ve also learned that with people, actions always speak louder than words. Because anyone can be a salesman when they really need to be. They can tell you how good your life will be with them, how much they will love you, but the true test is in how they show that.
There is a reason the terms “players” and “fuckboys” exist. Those people have earned their titles through smooth manipulation, using others to fulfill their needs, and they’ve constantly gotten away with it. So here are just a few things you need to remember when someone seems too good to be true.
The smoothest players are the ones who come across extremely genuine, who feign real interest, always finding a way to praise you, the ones who say they want to build a friendship first. They’re the ones who make the effort to spend time with you saying they enjoy your company and aren’t even pressuring you to jump into bed.
The smoothest players are the ones who get by all of your red flags, pass tests of integrity with flying colors, and somehow calm your initial uneasiness about them. They get the stamp of approval when your friends meet them, just as you get the stamp of approval from their friends.
The smoothest players are the ones who connect with you over similar faith and values. The ones who, if you weren’t so mesmerized by those aligned values, you’d think they were trying too hard to push the issue. You’d think they were full of shit.
The smoothest players are the ones who might be dating someone else, you just don’t know it. You’re not a “side chick” per se because you haven’t crossed that line. But you are someone who they say they want to be with. And you’re that same someone who when they do come clean about the other woman, they tell you they’re not happy with her and they’re trying to end it.
I’m not saying that all men who do these things are players, no, some men are sincere. But for players, these things can be great manipulation tactics.
Ideally, we all want a quality partner we can trust, a man that has similar faith foundations as us, a man with integrity, a man with whom there are no red flags. You obviously don’t want a man who’s dating someone else, there’s no need to become a side chick.
We have all fallen victim to tactics and manipulation of these smooth players, maybe we even ignored the initial warning signs. And when we do get out of it, we always say how we’ll never let it happen again… but we do, and we need to stop that.
So listen to your gut when something seems off. Listen to that voice of doubt in your head knowing that if something doesn’t sit right, it’s because it isn’t. To my fellow females, share your stories, lovingly bring awareness to your friend about her toxic partner, band together, empower one another. Practice #GirlPower, because that’s the only way we can be powerful against these games we are constantly subjected to.