Sometimes we get stuck and we settle. It happens. Maybe more than we’d like to admit. Someone comes into your life when you’re not looking for anything. Maybe you’re on a life high, successful and happy, enjoying your independence. Maybe they’re attracted to that and want to be a part of it. Does this sound familiar?
You keep them at a distance, appreciating the effort, even flattered by it. But they won’t give up. They send you sweetest messages, call you, always want to hang out. There’s something about them that perks your interest, and they seem genuine, so you finally agree to go out with them. And you’re happy you did because this person really seems like a keeper, and you keep spending time with them.
Then it happens, against your better judgment, you let your guard down and let them in. When you’re around them, you realize they tap into an emotional part of you that you weren’t even aware you were lacking. You let them break down your walls and fill your mind with thoughts of them. That was it. They won. They had you.
But all of a sudden, they pull away. Their interest and efforts diminish. Their intensity lessens. You start questioning yourself. What just happened? Did you do something wrong? All of that effort to be with you, and now they’ve completely pulled away. Their actions have left you in a foggy haze of uncertainty. More so because the relationship was mutually fulfilling emotionally, or so you thought. Were they going to disappear like that and get over you so quickly? You’re left heartbroken and confused. You do everything to heal and move on, but you never have closure.
And then they’re back, as if nothing happened. As if they think you can pick up right where you were. They avoid in-depth answers to your questions, they were “going through a hard time”, and they know that you’ll understand them, that you genuinely care. You’ve always been so good at understanding them, but you’re still confused. You’ve made the effort to get back to who you were before them, and you were almost there. But there’s an empty place inside you that they filled so you let them back in… and they do it all over again. This is how they treat your “relationship”, as something that they can have when they’re ready for it and dismiss when they’re not. But once you’ve let this person back and opened yourself up again, you allow yourself to be part of this unhealthy pattern.
Love yourself enough to not get caught up in this cycle that can break you, wreak havoc on your self-esteem, and leave you feeling empty. Love yourself enough to not lose yourself in someone who only wants you on his own terms. Love yourself enough to not over-analyze your emotions and actions. Because there are people who only want to love you in their own way. People who selfishly decide when they need you and when they can disregard you. People who use you to fill their own void. Say goodbye to these people because if you continue in this cycle, you’ll end up saying goodbye to a part of yourself.
It takes too much energy to wish negativity on people who hurt you. What can you gain from dwelling on pain you’ve been caused?