The Truth About Getting Over A Heartbreak When You Never Thought You Would

girl in a bunch of grass
Jilbert Ebrahimi

About 3 and a half years ago I got my heart broken so terribly I thought I might never recover from it.

I found myself in the midst of a major depression that I would spend the next three years battling. The depths of rock bottom had me sucked in so deep that the thought of ever seeing light or loving someone again seemed so impossible.

My world was a gaping black hole and no one could pull me out of it.

However, today that is not the case.

I don’t sit here and write this with my heart completely healed. There is not a day that goes by in which I don’t think about these past few years and how tough it has been. And I still have my moments where I doubt the progress I’ve made.

That being said, I am in a much better place than I was even a year ago. My depression isn’t the first thing that hits me when I wake up in the morning, nor is it something I dwell on as I go about my day. I sincerely smile more than I used to, I sing in the car without even realizing I am and I offer people the best version of myself more than I was ever able to.

There are several active steps I took to counter the sadness. I wanted to share a few of them to give people a little insight as to what it takes to recover from a tragic life event and to give people hope that it does indeed get better.

I started treating myself the way I would treat someone I was best friends with. I began re-framing my own self image and being truly kind to this body and mind I call home.

Therapy is something that has completely changed my life. I’ve been going every week for the past year and I can truthfully conclude that it is the healthiest thing I have ever done.

I learned about my strengths and weaknesses, the roots of my depression and how to shift my mindset into something positive and helpful for self growth.

Unfortunately there is a grim stigma attached to the prospect of attending therapy. But when you have the right therapist and the right attitude, exploring yourself through this means can be remarkable.

Another tool that helped the mending of my heart was channeling passion. I have always been an extremely passionate person and some of that was geared towards my romantic relationship. Just like I had to find an alternative place to put that love, I had to find a place to put that passion.

Getting more involved in the hobbies and subjects that evoke extreme interest for me was so healing. Indulging myself with the things I love to do was also liberating. Being in a relationship is wonderful for so many reasons but it is very possible to lose a bit of yourself in the whirlwind of it all. Allowing myself to simply enjoy what I like because I like it, only added to the self love I started creating and elevating.

In order to cope with the crippling pain I began to write about my experience dealing with the grief.

I submitted my work to several online outlets and luckily was published by several websites. Within a month or so of my first few articles going live, I began getting emails from kindred spirits.

Heartbroken people from India, Germany and Brazil would disclose their own bleeding hearts and tell me how my words helped to bring them comfort.

Even today I often receive emails from people who find my articles and bookmark them to read over and over. A lot of the messages say that my words have been the only thing that has helped them through this difficult time. There is no sentence worthy enough to convey how humbled I am by that notion.

I always make sure to respond to each individual email to let them know that they are not alone in this process.

Discovering this network of beautifully broken souls helped me more than anything. Knowing that you are not alone in your suffering is possibly the most comforting thing about grief. I want people to know that there are thousands of us and we are reachable.

Lastly and most importantly, let yourself truly grieve your relationships. If you try and rush the process, you will end up hurting others and yourself. I broke a few hearts and deepened my own troubles by avoiding the grief that still existed inside me.

Mourning doesn’t give a damn about your timeline. It is messy, inconvenient and prominent to every aspect of your life.

Whether you’ve been recently heartbroken or are going on four years, know that it is okay to feel the tsunami of emotions that will be thrown your way. Years will go by and you will learn to forget precious memories and you will learn to love yourself more than you ever have, but it is still okay to cry.

You will love again, and feel all the incredible feelings that come with that bewitching emotion, but treasure yourself in the meantime. Treat yourself with all the respect and nurture you would someone you’re in love with.

It gets better, it truly does. Remember to give your grief the moments it deserves, recognize what makes you uniquely beautiful to this world and always know that above all, you are not alone. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Trying to find out what I’m even doing here

Keep up with Katie on Instagram

More From Thought Catalog