It won’t be like last time. This go-around is going to be completely different, and that is going to terrify you in so many ways. When you’re used to a specific routine, something new can completely throw you off and push you away.
Everything from the feel of his hands to the way he kisses is unfamiliar. Unfamiliar territory is frightening beyond belief.
The pace is what is going to alarm you more than anything. You’re not going to know any details at first. This is information that you are used to having and it’s going to frustrate you that a certain level of comfort will not be there immediately. But it will come. Just like it did last time, you will feel at home with him eventually.
The sound of his voice in the morning is unrecognizable to you and you’re not quite sure how he takes his coffee or whether or not he will want to hold you through the night. You will find this out over time and grow to love his bed head.
You wonder how to bring up your embarrassing hobbies and interests without turning him off altogether.
You’re not certain what kind of music he likes or the temperature in which he likes his burgers cooked. When you go out to eat you’re not sure if you should order the food you want or the food that seems more appropriate for a date. Order what you want because he will accept you for it and appreciate that you are yourself around him. He will know about your distaste for kale and hatred for iceberg lettuce soon enough.
You don’t know his brother’s middle name or his mom’s birthday and when you go to meet his family, you have to ask what kind of dessert they all like.
Some things about him are going to be all too familiar. Like the show he watches or the one word he uses all the time. He’s going to resemble the one before in ways that make you uncomfortable sometimes. But I assure you; this is nothing to be afraid of. Similar qualities exist in everyone.
He is going to smell differently from the one before. Learn to embrace it and adore it, because this scent will soon become home to you. Aromas evoke some of the strongest emotions within us sometimes without our conscious knowledge even. Take in every breath of him that you can because he is your future.
You will soon start looking at him as your sanctuary. His arms will become home base to you. Everything about him will be beautiful even when you know he is far from perfect.
He will know your flaws but learn to love them. He will know exactly how to make you laugh, whether he finds a funny picture he knows you’d appreciate or that one tickle spot on your body that makes you laugh uncontrollably.
So it is going to be scary, there’s no doubt about that. But hold onto it, all of it. The differences and the similarities alike because being in love is truly the only thing that lives up to its expectations.
Being in love makes all the heartache and tears and sleepless nights worth it. Let him come in and repair the damage that has been done. And trust that he is different from the one who came before who tore everything apart and made you question your self worth.
This is how you fall in love again. It won’t be perfect, it won’t be seamless and it most certainly will not be a fairytale but it will be better, because this time it will be real.