Okay, so right now I’m in a really messy and tough position. A couple of days ago I sent my fiance an email breaking off our engagement. The problem? I sent it to his MOTHER. Yeah, that’s right. I’m an idiot for sending it to her and you can blame me all you want for making this embarrassing mistake but the truth is I need your help.
I’m usually not the type to put my business out there for the world to see but I just received her response and I am shaking. I don’t know what to do. I’ll show you both emails – the one I sent, or thought I sent, to David (my fiance), and the one Diane (his mother) sent back to me. Here is the email I sent on November 13th.
subject line: everything I want to say to you. please read.
I’ve been thinking about the right way to tell you this, to explain how I really feel. I’ve tried talking to you in person about this and it seems like it always ends in the same old fights so instead I decided to email you – to lay it all out once and for all. I need you to read this, ALL of this, and I hope you understand where I’m coming from. I think you’ll see in the end that none of this should have been a surprise.
When we first met I had no idea you would become such an important person in my life. I was certain I didn’t want to start a serious relationship and was nervous about getting involved with someone from Asheville and someone with so many health problems. I was planning on moving this year, getting out of this town for good, and was afraid of getting stuck here. Your health problems scared me initially because I spent years helping to take care of my mother when she was sick and I was afraid of getting too close to someone I would only end up losing one day.
I knew from the beginning it was important for you to keep a certain amount of distance between us. You wouldn’t let me come over to your place. You were glued to your phone. You changed the subject anytime I asked about the many girls in your life. A lot of these were red flags to me. I never really dealt with these things before in dating.
Still though, something happened. You were different. You charmed me with your sense of humor, your intelligence, your artistic talent, your dreams for the future. I loved how romantic you could be at times. I realized some time on that trip to Cape Cod that I was falling in love with you and it scared me.
Our chemistry and compatibility is something I never experienced before in any other relationship. I had never found someone I could have deep conversations with, enjoy and hate all the same things with, and have seriously amazing sex with all at the same time. It was unexpected and it completely threw me off guard. I was scared because I had only ever told one other person I loved them and I was afraid all of the red flags that were glaring at me would end up hurting me in the end.
So I fell for you and every day I’m with you I’m still falling in love with you. I love sitting or laying with you and talking about all the possibilities, sharing silly videos online, talking about our careers or projects, and future together. I love taking care of you when you’re sick or when you’re tired. I love waking up in the middle of the night and feeling you next to me. I love thinking and planning about the things I want to do for you to make you feel special. But as much as I love you and care for you, something isn’t right in this relationship and I feel like it never will be.
When I found out about your flirting with Megan and reading the things you said to her, long after we had made a commitment to be a couple, and long after our engagement, I was heartbroken. Especially because I knew she wasn’t the only one you had been talking to like that. Here I had tried to do everything I could to be as open as I could to the man who said he had so many trust issues but in reality it was you who could not be trusted with other people.
Do you know what it feels like to have someone come up to you at a party and tell you they’ve been talking to the person you’re dating and then SHOW you the conversations? Ugh. I’ll never forget the way my heart dropped into my stomach that day. Knowing you two had been going on dates behind my back was just….terrible.
I knew you liked having a lot of attention from women but I guess I thought with me being so open minded sexually that would be enough. I thought I would enough. I realized that day I wasn’t. And when you were confronted about it and completely evaded the conversation until finally just denying almost everything, lying several times to me, I realized I would either have to accept what had happened, accept your lies, and accept that this would likely be an ongoing issue.
I know that’s why you act sketchy about leaving your phone or computer out. I know that’s why when I ask you who you’re talking to and I clearly see the words “MEGAN” or “CHARLOTTE” on your phone you lie and say it’s your brother or another guy, or when I come into the room you instantly close out a chat session.
How am I supposed to trust anything you say when you constantly lie about such small things? This has been happening since we started dating five years ago and I have been SO forgiving.
We’ve been engaged six months and honestly, I thought after you proposed things would be different. I thought you would cut the bullshit and finally realize how great we really are for each other. There is so much good here, so much potential, that is breaks my heart to end this but this what I have to do. I can’t keep making excuses for your behavior. I can’t keep pretending like I’m fine with you doing these things beside my back especially if we’re married. I just…I don’t know what to say anymore.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I talked to my dad about this yesterday. I think it’s best if we call off the engagement. I need time to myself, to think about you and us and if there’s anyway we can come back from this, if our relationship can actually be healed. So I’m headed down to my Dad’s house in Charleston. I’ll be there for a couple of weeks. I hope you’ll give me my space. Please don’t call or text me. Just think about everything I’ve said here and think about what you really want. I hope you’ll realize this is all for the best.
Okay, so that’s my email. Ugh, I can barely even look at it. David still hasn’t seen it. He’s on business right now in San Francisco and doesn’t know I’m here in Charleston. Now, here’s what his mother just emailed me this morning.
well, i guess if anyone knows how you really feel about your marriage its me now
Im honestly shocked and saddened by the things said here.
i treated you like my own daughter, how could you do this to him???
i’ve kept my mouth shut and i’ve tried to stay out of it but i just think its funny how you try and play like you’re some sort of angel when you ain’t. like David’s been the only one in this relationship who’s done something wrong? i know my David isn’t perfect but this is ridiculous.
you like to play like you’re this innocent little good girl but the truth is you’re a slut. David has told me all about your problems and how he’s tried to salvage your relationship. that’s the only reason he even proposed in the first place. he thought if you guys got married maybe you’d stop trying to get with all of his friends.
remember the family party you came to on the fourth of july? the one at aunt Marilyn’s house on the cove? yeah, don’t think I didn’t see you flirting with Kent all night. I couldn’t believe you two took off down the beach after David had fallen asleep next to the fire.
Kent is married, Katie. he has children.
how you could behave that way with David’s best friend??
I don’t know anything about what David’s done but I know exactly what you have. You better get out of your daddy’s house and get back to Asheville before David comes back from his work trip. David loves you and he wants to marry you. If you try and break off this engagement I’m going to tell David everything about what you and Kent did. maybe his wife deserves to know too.
Ughh. Just reading this again is putting my stomach in knots. Here’s the real story. Yes, Kent and I flirted that night, and yes we went on a walk down the beach when everyone was at the bonfire but NOTHING happened. Kent tried kissing me but I didn’t let it go anywhere. I went right back to the house after that and Kent apologized. I would never disrespect David like that. Plus, I know Natalia (Kent’s wife). I mean, we’re in the same spin class together.
The problem is that even if Diane told David and Natalia about what she thinks happened I don’t know if anyone would believe the truth. David has crazy trust issues. I’ve always thought that that’s the reason he’s so shitty towards me and is so incapable of being faithful. David has told me multiple times what a gross skeeze Kent is and how he’s cheated on Natalia dozens of times. Natalia told me over coffee one day that she told Kent she was giving him one last chance to be a good husband and father. This would really ruin everything.
I’m just…I’m not sure what to do. I think I should talk to my dad about this and see what he thinks. David is supposed to be back from San Fran on Tuesday. Should I go back to Asheville and try and work this out? Should I send him the original email I wrote? What should I tell his mom?