This Is How You Tell Her He’s Wrong

How do you tell your friend that her boyfriend is wrong for her? You just say it: “He’s wrong for you”. Usually this is accompanied by a sentence about how he treats her poorly or how he’s unfaithful. But how do you tell your friend that her loyal, kind hearted, devoted, and perfectly nice boyfriend isn’t right for her? How do you find the words to say that this wonderful man isn’t right for her?

You tell her one night while you’re drunk. You come back to the apartment that the two of you share, and spill your guts to her over focaccia bread in the kitchen at 5am. You tell her that he’s a great guy, but that doesn’t make him right for her. You tell her that she should always love him for how he helped her out of a dark time, but she doesn’t have to be with him anymore. She looks you in the eyes and tells you that she knows.

You tell her best friend. You tell her best friend while she’s in the bathroom. You tell her how you’re feeling about the boy. Her best friend agrees with you and says she hasn’t been the same since they’ve started dating 7 years ago. The best friend says she’s worried the girl is settling.

You tell her when he loses his job. You tell her that he’s getting older, but not getting any more serious about his career. You tell her that she needs someone that can provide for her and their future children. She tells you she will give him one more year to get his act together.

You tell her when she’s moving out. You tell her when she chooses to live at his parents’ house with him instead of the apartment that you shared. You tell her she’s making a mistake. She tells you she feels an obligation to him. You argue; moving in with someone shouldn’t be an obligation. She says she knows, but she wants to start their life. You tell her you just want her to be happy.

You tell her the first time she comes back to the apartment that you used to share. You tell her when she says that she feels like nothing has changed. When she tells you she feels like that is still her home and that she’s been on vacation. You tell her when she sees what your new roommate has done to her old room.

You don’t tell her when she announces her engagement. You smile, hug her, and let her know that you love her. You tell her all you want is for her to be happy. You make sure that she knows that’s all you’ve ever wanted for her.