This town, it’s not enough for me anymore. The streets are no longer paved with gold. The sky isn’t as blue. The sun doesn’t shine as bright. The beauty I once got lost in has started to dwindle.
Is it this town that’s failed me? Or have I failed myself?
Is it the scenes that are changing? Or is it me? Am I changing? Would any of you still recognize me?
Is it the dreams I’ve been trying to chase and gracefully failed, that’s left me longing for a place far away from here?
A feeling lies inside of me. A feeling that I must go. That I must let go, too. Let go and leave all the things that didn’t work out, words that were half true, and false desires in my heart.
My time here may be over. I never thought I’d say those words. I never thought leaving would be my answer and set me free. However, here, holds nothing for me but disappointment and memories.
A change doesn’t sound so awful. And I don’t mean the kind of change that makes you cut off all your hair or get another tattoo. I mean something drastic, something huge. A new adventure. A place with a different view. A place where no one knows my name. Where my face blends in with the crowd. A place where I can leave it all behind. A place I can try again, on my own.
This town was once everything I needed. It was everything that I wanted. I believed in it. I believed in making it home. I was determined to call this place home.
But somewhere underneath all the failed attempts to create a life for myself, I realized I was holding onto something that I needed to let go.
Can you outgrow a place? A place that you once loved. A place that gave you so much, yet still left you feeling empty and alone?
My answer is yes.
Yes, you can outgrow a place.
I’m outgrowing these streets. My time here is coming to a halt. I believe the adventure I once wished for, isn’t waiting for me here. I must travel different streets, venture out on a new path.
I was giving myself no other options. I was holding onto the people and all the things I’d be leaving behind. I clung to the life I’d give up, to find somewhere else.
I couldn’t help but think, would I ever see them again? Would I ever fall in love with a town again? Would I ever be able to call another place home?
My answer is I don’t know.
I don’t know that my life would ever be the same. I don’t know that I’d see these faces again. I don’t know that’d it be easier calling another place home.
But I do know, that you never know unless you try. Unless you pack your bags and go. Unless you decide it’s time for a change in your life. That you’re ready to begin that adventure on your own.
It’s never easy leaving. It’s never easy saying goodbye; here I am preparing for them both.