I need you to know that I’m done with the chase. I need you to know that you must make your mind up now. Right now.
Either keep me or let me go. Don’t string me along anymore. Don’t make me a piece of your cake. Don’t keep me around for your convenience. I don’t want to be another selfish disposal.
I’ve always said I’m done with chasing people. But I knew it wasn’t the truth. I’ve said it and still gone back to the game. I’ve still chased, right after I said I wouldn’t any more. I’m still chasing things that have no place for me.
But this time, this time I need it to be different. I need to stop chasing after a temporary feeling, a part time person. The chase is a fleeting moment. One that you wish you could keep. You wish you could make last. But you can’t. And the one you’re chasing, they will never give you what you need. They will never fill that empty space.
But something is better than nothing, right?
That’s what I keep telling myself. I’ve almost convinced myself of this too. That it’s better to have half of them than none at all. That having someone sometimes, is better than having no one, ever.
At least they come back. Right? At least for a few minutes I can pretend that this will last forever. The feeling I get from this is short lived and when it’s over, it’s over. That’s the worst part.
You see, there is no mercy in the chase. You don’t get to walk away with a prize. There is no first place. You will always lose.
There is no end result that will make you feel good about yourself. You will never get good at it. You will never beat them. You will never catch them either.
You think it’ll get easier though. That the next time you’ll be more equip. You’ll be ready and prepared. But it isn’t. It doesn’t get any easier. It gets harder. Because each time you see something in that person that you didn’t see in the one before them.
You cling to this. You cling to them even more. Hoping they’ll be something different. Something more. You want them to be something more. You need someone to be something more. But they aren’t your something more.
You let them consume you. You fein for them. For their affection and focus. You don’t like giving up on people. You hate goodbyes. You’ve never left, you’ve always been the one to stick around.
I’m sorry, but this isn’t your person.
Your person isn’t the person you’ve been chasing. It isn’t the one you have to convince to stay around. It isn’t the person that has turned your areas of black and white to grey.
You shouldn’t have to question what this is, or what they want with you. You should know. You should know where you stand in their life and they should want you to be there, full time.
The one you’re going out of your way to grab their attention, isn’t yours. The one your staring at your phone waiting for a text, not yours either.
Let them go. Rid yourself of all the part time people in your life. Relieve yourself from the pain and damage they are going to give you.
You deserve more than the chase.