I almost had you, but I didn’t. I didn’t get to keep you. We never got the chance I was so hopeful for. That kills me. That’s worse than falling in love. Because at least you tried and it ended. But with an almost relationship it ends before it even begins.
You never knew. You never got the chance to try. You only get to spend the rest of your life wondering what it would have been like. What it would have felt like to have you. To hold you. To call you mine.
Your heart gets confused. It gets tangled in this make belief story. It gets brought back to life, only to die once more. You don’t know truth and you’ll spend your days and nights trying to discover it. But you’ll never find it.
You’ll never find truth in an almost lover. You’ll only find pain and sorrow. The highs won’t be higher than the lows. It’s all just a temporary fix. You will never win them. You will never get to call them yours. You will never get the chance to turn an almost lover into a forever love.
For them it’s all about the thrill. The game. The chase. They show up when they need you. When they need the attention they’re lacking. They show up because you’re there. You’re always there. Because deep down you’re wishing they want what you want. That you’re progressing towards something. That you’re on the same page. But your page is different than theirs. Your heart is somewhere else.
An almost relationship makes you let go of something that never was. How do you do that? How do you let go of someone you never really had? How do you erase their face and their words? How do you stop wanting to show up for them? Because after all, you wanted this. You’re choosing this because your heart is in it. You are for them. But they haven’t convinced you the same.
The all-time famous almost relationship. No-one likes it, yet we all find ourselves in it. More times than none. It will drive you mad. It will wipe away your confidence and stain you with guilt.
It hurts to watch people leave and comeback, over and over again. To show up just for the meantime. Why bother showing up at all?
It hurts to see a text pop up on your screen, after days of being MIA. You know you shouldn’t reply. That they don’t deserve a reply. They don’t deserve your time. But, your heart is saying yes. It hurts when people go ghost on you. When they disappear, and reappear in the same moment.
Almost hurts. It feels like a constant reminder that you’re just not enough. Not enough for them to stay or to commit. Not enough for them to pick you. To give you the full attention you deserve.
If this is you. If you’re one of those boys or girls who get stuck in an almost love. Who give and give until you have nothing more. Get out. Leave. They don’t deserve you.
They don’t deserve your heart or your effort. They don’t deserve the energy you’ve been giving. They don’t deserve your time. You aren’t a welcome home mat. You aren’t a place for them to clean their feet and carry on.
You are a human being. You have a heart that beats for all things and a yearning for something good. They are not your something good. They are not going to give you the love you need. They will not feel that empty place inside.
They will always and forever be almost, but not enough.