A Letter From My 2018 Self

On days when it gets hard to breathe, when giving up seems like the easier way to go, I want you to remember these words; this too will pass.

Do you remember the days when you thought you couldn’t last a day longer? Remember the days when you felt yourself disappear into a black hole, slowly, gradually, until nothing was left of you? Those days when you tried your hardest to drown all the screams of insecurity, and self-doubt?

Here you are now.

I told you, this too shall pass.

You fought silent battles. And I saw you. I saw you waking up from nightmares after nightmares. I heard you cry in the middle of the night, sometimes, even in the middle of the day. I know the nights where you barely slept a wink. And I heard you when you asked for rest. I listened when you needed to, but couldn’t ask for help. I saw you fight. And I am proud of you for making it out alive. Above anything else, I thank you, for doing this for yourself.

This year, I need you to fight for yourself again. I need you, to protect yourself. I need you, to use your newfound strength to love yourself harder, to allow yourself to live. The past years gave you something else other than the hurt and the pain. It molded you, to become this person that I see now.

Use what you learned. Remind yourself of the secret, and be thankful for everything. No matter how hard things may seem, thank the universe. For its the one thing that will never give up on you, an ally, if you choose it to be. What you ask, you get. What you think, you become.

This year, do not believe everything they say. You don’t have to believe all the wrong and misleading misconceptions people have about you. Rise above all the name callings, rise above wrongful thoughts of others. Defend yourself from the possibility of succumbing to these negative thoughts other people have of you. Be your own best friend. Be your own supporter. Be the person you can trust the most. The worst thing you could do to yourself is to agree on the negative image of you they created. I believe you know yourself more than anyone else.

As you go on through another year of healing, I want you to know that you cannot rush the soul. It’s okay to take your time.

Be patient with yourself. Nothing good ever come out of things done in a rush. And believe me, when the healing is complete, you will know. You will feel it in your bones. No matter how long it takes for you to get there, I will wait to see you in your prime. I will be here, in every step. When you stumble and fall, fight to get up. As long as you move forward, you’re allowing yourself to get the true love you deserve. The one coming from inside.

But just as much as you become patient with yourself, be patient with others too. People are also dealing with their own problems, and are also hurting. Know that, and also do your best to understand the reality of this so you can allow yourself to stop taking things personally. Stop thinking that people are out to hurt you on purpose. But be wise enough to set your limits. There is strength in compassion, but there is also strength in refusing to be abused. Help people as much as you can, do it too, as you help yourself.

Remember that nothing ever stays forever. When people leave, remember that it is not an act against you, but a choice they have to make for themselves. Let people go freely, as much it hurts, nothing hurts worse than forced relationships. Don’t worry, what’s yours will be yours, right in the moment the universe think it is so.

And lastly, for this new year, I need you to keep fighting to become the person you were meant to be. It won’t be as romantic as you want it to be. There will be sacrifices to be made, there will be constant hard work. But always choose this person you are growing into. This is a choice you will never regret.

I am proud of you.

I love you.

Love,

Your 2018 self.