Getting involved with someone who is just getting out of a relationship is never a good idea. It is even worse when you are the first person—or even second person—they hook up with after their relationship ended.
I can tell you that they are not looking for a new relationship, but what they are looking for is someone to bridge the gap between all the benefits of having a girlfriend and finding someone new. They are looking to have their cake and eat it, too. They are looking for an emotional crutch to make the days go by faster when they are in their lonely phase. Guys don’t want a new girlfriend right away, but they are going to miss the comfort of having someone to coddle them, to confide in, to lean on, and to hook up with.
Hence where you come into the picture: the rebound.
There is never a “win-win” in a rebound situation. You may tell yourself that you’re just friends with benefits and it’s easy because both of you don’t want a relationship. You’re just using each other, right? But eventually and inevitably, one of you is going to fall for the other. How could you not? Unless you are both complete sociopaths, how can you not develop feelings for someone who is talking to you at all hours of the day and making you laugh and hooking up with you whenever you want? The only difference is that one person is going to see it as something more—as potential for a new relationship—and the other person will not.
How can you tell the difference between a rebound and the real deal? You have to be able to read between the lines. The last thing he is going to want is for you to recognize that he is just using you. He is going to say whatever he can to keep you around because he needs you. Who wouldn’t? You do everything for him without him having to commit to a relationship.
Honesty is key, and you should be as open as you can with this other person about feelings. Telling them that as soon as it gets too hard, you will stop. But, at that point, they are an addiction for you and you are an addiction for them. It will be so hard for you to stop, and you might not be able to stop. You will continue to convince yourself that you are exactly what they need to get through this hard time and tell yourself that one day, they will see you as a person they want to be and it’s just a matter of time. But that would be wrong. He will never see you like that, and you are setting yourself up to be hurt.
The person with baggage will always be the person with baggage. You can’t change the facts, but you can take yourself out of the situation. He may tell you that you’re everything he needs right now, but that’s the red flag. He used the words “right now.” This is not the real deal—this is him being selfish because he needs a crutch as he is learning to be single. You are just a stepping stone for him to find someone better, and that is all you’re going to be.
My point is, don’t ever assume that the guy who is hooking up with you after he gets out of a relationship is the one for you. Take everything he says with a grain of salt, because no matter how well you get along or how fun it is to be with him, he will never take the next step with you. Be as patient as you want with him, but to avoid getting hurt, just acknowledge the situation as is—and it is nothing more than that. Enjoy the situation for nothing more than it is—being his rebound.
If you can’t handle that, as most normal people can’t, then stop letting him use you emotionally if you’re just using him physically. Be the bigger person and tell him you need to stop texting him, because he will never be the first to do that. Just remember he needs you more than you need him.