I Was The Bigger Person, But I Didn’t Want To Be

Being single in your twenties is the hardest thing to do. Ask any person in their twenties, read any blog or watch any Netflix series having to do with romance. Being MATURE and single in your twenties… when it comes to guys… is probably the second hardest thing to do. Your twenties are filled with regret, love, heartache, infatuation, dating, mistakes, etc. and all you want is for that one boy to want you back. All you want is to meet someone who lets you be unapologetic-ally yourself, who you can be yourself with, flirt with, be sexually attracted to and who just understands you. And when you find that special someone through a friend or on hinge or at a bar, you want them to come without baggage. In a perfect world, he’s into you without a doubt and without the games.

But, this isn’t a perfect world and although he feels all the same things you feel when you’re around him; the butterflies, the blushing, the flirtatious texts…he can’t help but come with baggage. And it hurts the most when he just got out of a relationship or when he says “things are complicated” with whomever. Because you want to believe that the spark you feel is there with him. You want to believe that he sees you. That his feelings for you are stronger than whatever baggage he is attached. That he looks at you and thinks “You know what, I don’t need my ex to text me anymore, this girl is worth exploring.”

But, this isn’t a perfect world. And although you think this may be it and you found your person, he doesn’t feel the same way and that’s when you have to decide. You have to decide to be the bigger person. That when you see him out with mutual friends with her, you don’t get so drunk and tell him inside jokes to make her uncomfortable. You don’t wear his favorite shirt of yours out around him and her just to see if it grabs his attention. You don’t introduce yourself to her and act like a bitch. You’re going to want to and deep down, you know he notices you. Deep down, if the connection was there, it won’t just go away with him. He is going to notice you and you don’t have to put on a show. Be the bigger person…I had to be.

You can make a decision when a guy with baggage tells you he likes you, but is in a sticky situation. You can close your eyes and believe “out of sight, out of mind” when she isn’t in town and get your heart broken-ultimately. Or, you can decide to be mature. You can decide to end whatever relationship you started by being kind with your words in a text. By telling him how you understand how hard it is to have baggage, but you don’t want to be caught in the line of fire. You can tell him that you are bowing out of the competition and maybe you’ll be there when the war ends, and maybe you won’t. At the end of the day, you know that you aren’t someone’s second choice. You deserve to be the first pick-always.

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