Thought Catalog

QUIZ: Can Putting On A Face Mask Fix This?

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American Psycho

1. Your skin is dry and you can’t handle the greasiness of heavy moisturizers and face creams. Can putting on a face mask fix this?

Answer: Yes! Sheet masks are super helpful in such a predicament!

2. You’ve been eating like shit and your skin proves it. You need a little boost — can a face mask fix this?

Answer: Of course! Drink some water and rejuvenate your skin with a mask!

3. Your depression is back in full swing. You don’t want to get out of bed, you’ve been wearing the same clothes for two days, and you’ve successfully isolated yourself from your friends — almost to the point of no return. Everyone probably hates you, you piece of shit. Can a face mask fix this?

Answer: Yup, slap on some moist clay out of a jar you’ve had in your bathroom medicine cabinet for the last nine months and stare blankly into the mirror, willing yourself to produce more dopamine. You’re still a piece of shit, but at least your face will feel like it’s sparkling!

4. Ugh! It’s ~*~ that time of the month ~*~ and you’re breaking out. Can a face mask fix this?

Answer: Hell yeah! Find one with tea tree oil that isn’t too drying.

5. You just got laid off of work. You don’t know what your career path is supposed to look like anymore and you’re completely lost. You hate that it’s a cliché that you feel this way in your 20s, but you just want to drink and procrastinate finding another source of income until tomorrow. Or maybe two days from now. It literally just happened, shut up. Can a face mask fix this?

Answer: Uh, duh! If you feel beautiful, you can do anything! Maybe focus on being hot from now on?

6. Your anxiety is through the roof. What is going on!? Why does everything feel like it’s spiraling out of control? Can a face mask fix this?

Answer: PUT ON A SHEET MASK THAT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A PANDA. THAT’LL FIX EVERYTHING.

7. That guy still won’t leave his girlfriend for you. You very clearly are the girl he talks to when he’s bored at work and you’ve silently accepted he’ll never contact you on weekends. Is it possible to feel this strongly about someone more than once? Or is this it? Do you only like him because he’s emotionally unavailable? Are you crazy? Can a face mask fix this?

Answer: You know what goes great with Unrequited Love That Really Isn’t That Romantic Because You’re Just Setting Yourself Up For Self-Destruction Due To Some Weird Complex You Have About Getting Close To People? A brightening mask with, like, some fucking aloe or whatever.

8. You’re happy. You’ve kept your head up and everything is sort of falling into place. Except now’s the part where you deliberately ruin it all because you can’t handle happiness for an extended period of time. Can a face mask fix this?

Answer: Only a homemade face mask can fix this. Rub your roommate’s yogurt into your pores. Smear oatmeal and honey everywhere. Use egg whites. Your bathroom is going to be a mess, but at least your life isn’t! Yet!!!

9. You haven’t been on top of budgeting and your finances. Paying your rent just drained your bank account. Can a face mask fix this?

Answer: Of course a face mask can fix this! The only thing is, you need to somehow justify that all of the face masks you currently own are just not going to cut it. You need to go out there and buy some more. Just for this. You deserve it, right?

10. Your stomach kinda hurts —

Answer: IT DOESN’T MATTER, JUST PUT ON A FACE MASK. TC mark

Essential Poetry For Enlivened Souls

This is for the women who are first to get naked, howl at the moon and jump into the sea. This is for the women who seek relentless joy; the ones who know how to laugh with their whole souls. The women who speak to strangers because they have no fear in their hearts. This is for the women who drink coffee at midnight and wine in the morning, and dare you to question it. This is for the women who throw down what they love, and don’t waste time following society’s pressures to exist behind a white picket fence. The women who create wildly, unbalanced, ferociously and in a blur at times. This — is for you.

“When Janne has a new poem written, I shut my life down to do nothing but read it, and then when I turn my life back on, everything is better.”
James Altucher

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