Thought Catalog

I Can’t Go To Your Thing Tonight — Not Because I’m Practicing Self-Care — But Because I’m The Worst

  • 0
Alexander Mils

Yeah, look, I know it’s a little confusing these days because evvvvverrrrrrryone is justifying Not Doing Things as a form of self-care, but I just want you to know that me flaking on these plans at the last minute is NOT about me caring for myself. I am just openly a terrible person.

The thing about this self-care movement is now it’s socially acceptable for people to be excused from bailing on social plans if they’re not feeling up to it. And that’s great for the people who are truly coping with anxiety — except I really just want to make it clear that I, myself, do not have anxiety of any kind and am not an introvert or an empath or whatever the kids are into these days.

No, I’m just a really horrible person.

I need you to know that I’m the worst! It’s become too easy for me to be awful without any real repercussions. You keep inviting me to things, no matter how many times I back out, because you have mistaken me for someone practicing self-care. No!!! I am just an asshole. Please. Acknowledge that I’m a burden to you. I’m going out of my way to be inconvenient, and frankly, you attempting to be understanding of it is actually stressing me out even more.

I’m worried you’re worried about me and that’s why you’re letting me pull this shit. Oh my god, nooooooooooo, I genuinely want to set your expectations up for a night out with me, solely so I can then crush them after you’ve spent half an hour getting ready by sending you a text saying that I’m not “feeling it” anymore. Stop allowing me to do this!!!! I don’t get a rush out of this anymore — back in the old days, nobody tolerated this shit and it felt amazing.

Now I have to come up with new ways to ruin your life. I’ll ignore texts from you for days. I’ll isolate myself into oblivion, only to resurface weeks later and demand undivided attention without actually addressing the fact that I regularly drop off the face of the planet without any notice, whenever I feel like it. But you let me do that too! You say things like, “I understand” — bitch, what? NO.

Get mad at me! None of this behavior is productive! I am INSUFFERABLE. This isn’t how humans are supposed to behave! I’m begging you to understand this simple concept: I can’t go to the thing I promised I’d go to with you tonight — NOT because I’m practicing self-care — but because I’m the worst. TC mark

Essential Poetry For Enlivened Souls

This is for the women who are first to get naked, howl at the moon and jump into the sea. This is for the women who seek relentless joy; the ones who know how to laugh with their whole souls. The women who speak to strangers because they have no fear in their hearts. This is for the women who drink coffee at midnight and wine in the morning, and dare you to question it. This is for the women who throw down what they love, and don’t waste time following society’s pressures to exist behind a white picket fence. The women who create wildly, unbalanced, ferociously and in a blur at times. This — is for you.

“When Janne has a new poem written, I shut my life down to do nothing but read it, and then when I turn my life back on, everything is better.”
James Altucher

Buy The Book
Powered by Revcontent

Read more books in 2018…

Cut yourself some slack. One of the biggest regrets most people have about their 20s is that they didn’t enjoy them more. And I’m not talking about “buy more expensive dinners, take another trip to Thailand” type of enjoyment. I mean having the ability to take a deep breath and sip coffee in the morning knowing that you have done, and are doing, your best.

“These essays are slowly changing my life, as the title promises. As my friends’ birthday come along, they will all be receiving a copy of this wonderful book.” – Janie

Amazon: 4.8/5 stars
Goodreads: 4.29/5 stars

Click for an inspiring read!

More From Thought Catalog

I Can’t Go To Your Thing Tonight — Not Because I’m Practicing Self-Care — But Because I’m The Worst is cataloged in