Question 1. You wake up in total darkness and feel like you’re about to puke. You can’t remember how you got here or who you even are. What the hell happened last night? Why does it feel like you’re not existing in your regular human body?
Answer: Could be a hangover, but you’re actually just being pulled apart at the seams in a limitless vortex of hell and emptiness. Welcome to the void. Finally!
Question 2. You can’t stop the flood of existential thoughts — what is the point of anything? Why does humanity exist? When was the last time you cried? Do you feel anything? What is wrong with you?
Answer: Hangover city, population: you. Time to puke into that CVS bag off the side of your bed and cry in the shower. Curse alcohol forever (until tomorrow night).
Question 3. You slept through your alarm and now you’re late for work. This has to be the worst you’ve ever physically felt in years. Why do bad things happen to okay people?
Answer: Buy yourself a greasy bagel sandwich, idiot, you’re hungover.
Question 4. Oh, god, where’s your phone? Did you lose it? What time is it?
Answer: Haha! Time and space don’t exist here in the void. You’re spiraling down into nothingness. It’s been a long time coming, I’ll say!
Question 5. So many regrets. Water seems so far away. Will you ever feel normal again?
Answer: No, because you’re falling down a bottomless pit of emptiness and dark chaos. You’re in the void.
Question 6. You feel like screaming but your head hurts too much — hungover, right?
Answer: Noooooooope, you’re in the void. Scream into it all you want, nobody can hear you. Go ahead, stare down into nothing. Your head hurts because this vortex is shredding your physical being apart.
Question 7. You’re starting to have scary thoughts. What if this is permanent? How do you get out of this dark place? Will you ever see your family again?
Answer: Talk about drama! You’re hungover.
Question 8. You feel your soul being ripped apart. Your mind ceases to exist. You can’t even be sure that you’re in control of your body. What’s going on?
ANSWER: This is a tricky one. It really could be either.
Question 9. Do you want to order Seamless?
ANSWER: You can’t, Seamless doesn’t deliver to a metaphysical realm. We’ve tried. Long live the void.