Storyline Suggestions For Will Byers In The Next Season Of ‘Stranger Things’

Will comes home from school and does his homework and then takes some Melatonin and then goes to bed at 8PM. I would watch hours of him doing this over and over and over again. He deserves it. I deserve it.

Will starts getting really into soccer. He’s, like, fine at it — but it makes him feel fulfilled. It doesn’t even have to be soccer, he just needs to find some activity that isn’t “saving all of Hawkins, Indiana before he even hits puberty.” It’s too much, I’m really worried about how he’ll move on from this.

Joyce Byers cools it. No more screaming, no more Christmas lights, no more chain-smoking cigarettes and analyzing Will’s crazy shadow drawings. She just, like, asks Will about girls and he rolls his eyes a lot. I don’t know, what do boys talk about with their moms? I’ve had less psychotic breakdowns in the last 23 years than Winona Ryder has had on screen the last two seasons.

Will and Jonathan build a snowman. Maybe have a playful snowball fight or something. There’s no discussion about who out of the two of them is “weirder.” (It’s Jonathan.)

A full episode of Will just doing a puzzle in complete silence.

Will gets a new bike and is really excited about it. Nobody bullies him. He’s finally getting good at math. He grows two inches.

Will decides he wants to get super into birdwatching and sees some really awesome birds. That’s it, nothing else happens, all he says is: “Wow! Look at that bird!” Nothing possesses him, he doesn’t get sucked into some alternate universe, nothing is trying to kill him — he just fucking likes birds now.

Jonathan and Will form a natural, brotherly bond that has nothing to do with the fact that one of them got sucked into another dimension and then was overtaken by a shadow monster and controlled for several days by an evil force. Nope.

Nancy comes over a couple of times and tells Will she knows of a girl who has a crush on him. Or something. Guys, I will seriously not watch another season of this kid suffering, he really needs a win.

A full episode of Will and Mike doing slime ASMR. Mike can still be moody, that’s fine.

Will tries a gluten-free diet and then is like nah, fuck it, I’ve almost died a bunch of times within the last year — I’m eating pasta forever. The final shot is him eating his third plate of spaghetti and doing the fist pump from The Breakfast Club.